PSA: How not to write an online dating message.


If you’re dating online then you’ve received weird, creepy and sometimes funny messages.  It’s the admission fee we all pay for the chance to find love without leaving home. I’ve been on a personal dating quest for a while and have been taking sneaky screenshots along the way chronicling my 50 Fat Dates plus-size dating adventure.

I reckon there’s a few types of messages we all face at some stage in what can seem like the shallow end of the dating pool.

Mr Upfront: 

This is as appealing as a guy shouting "want a root?" from a car window. Does this ever really work? I mean, it's nice to be upfront and I appreciate the honesty but are you really asking my permission to send what I know will be a dick pic? Nope.

Mr. Negging:  

Congratulations mate, you probably read a pickup artist book like The Game or paid a lot of money to a dating 'guru' for an online course to teach you the dark arts of seduction. Sorry buddy we are on to you and it didn't work.  Oh, and referencing a woman's weight is not going to score points. Ever. Thanks for playing though!

Mr. Emojis Only:

Just like in real life this one gets zero response.

Mr. Probably Legit Serial Killer: 

Um, this is like that episode of Sex and the City with the foot fetish free shoe guy. What does drinking and smoking have to do with feet anyway? I'd think stinky feet would be the deal breaker on this one but seems not. Moving on.

Is this the answer we all need to our online dating woes? Post continues after audio. 

Mr. Cut and Paste: 

Who the heck is Vivie? That's not my name, fella!  A clear case of cut and paste.

Mr. Wannabe Poet:

Another cut and paste job. Ten points for creativity. Zero points for personalisation.

Mr. Seriously WTF?

Well this message went down like a cup of cold sick. Can't click 'block them' fast enough.

So, this honestly isn't to put you off dating or say 'poor me'. It's just to show you that you're not alone and it happens to the best of us.

Have you received weirdo dating messages too?