Up until last weekend, I had thought wedding guest etiquette was a fairly universally understood thing.
You arrive on time, make small talk with distant relatives and friends you’d never heard of before, nodded vigorously when asked if you’d enjoyed your meal, and had at least one dance before politely slipping off home to get out of your tight dress and too-high high heels.
But apparently I was wrong. There are countless of individuals out there who have no bloody clue about these rules.
Julia Roberts was definitely a guestzilla. Source: Youtube.
They are people whose behaviour is so outlandish, so rude and so gobsmacking that they make even the most unreasonable of brides look timid.
They are guestzillas and they live amongst us, often going unnoticed for years.
Here are what just six of them look like...
The wannabe photographer guest.
"I recently attended a wedding that requested guests not take photos during the ceremony," one Mamamia staff member shared, explaining "it was an intimate ceremony and the bridge and groom didn't want to look out at their friends and family during this important moment in their lives only to see them on their phones, which I thought was fair enough," she added.
While the bride and groom encouraged photos to be taken at the reception and promised to circulate the professional shots from the ceremony, for some guests, that wasn't good enough.
"One guest stepped into the aisle and took photos of the bride as she was walking down, blocking the professional photographer in the process," she continued sounding horrified, adding that he continued to take photos throughout the remainder of the ceremony.
When questioned about his behaviour at reception, the guest simply shrugged and said he didn't care and said he didn't think they'd mind.
The worst part? "His photos were terrible."
The wedding aisle is a guest-free zone. Source: Youtube.
The "have you met my date?" guest.
You know the one time people don't want to meet your previously unknown plus one? On the day of their wedding.
Numbers are tight, prices per head are high, and the day is not about meeting new people, but spending time with the ones they already know and love.
Having to whisk a bride and groom away from their guests to deal with your impromptu seating nightmare is a dick move and sure to land you on the top of their post-wedding bitch list.
Sorry, who did you say you came with? Source: Youtube.
The "oops did I not mention I have dietary requirements?" guest, and the stupidly picky eater guest.
Brides and grooms expect there to be some dietary requirements at weddings, such is the way of the modern world. But failing to mention this and expecting an exceptional meal to appear before you without prior warning? That's a tall (and unreasonable) order.
"My now wife's friend was a vegetarian, as well as being allergic to dairy, wheat and fructose. She never mentioned any of this before the wedding, feeling that as her friend, my wife should have known and catered accordingly," another Mamamia team member told me recently.