A 12 step guide to be the worst wedding guest ever.

Oh, weddings. They really are something special.

They take a crazy amount of organisation and planning, in most cases over a year for that one day. And it doesn’t matter how prepared the couple are or how many contingency plans are in place, there are certain things that are out of their control as to whether it will all run smoothly. These things mainly relate to the guests and their behaviour on the day.

There’s nothing like an open bar plus a guest list full of family and acquaintances the couple are obligated to invite (but may not necessarily like) to bring out some awkward situations. From slightly embarrassing to full on wedding disaster, guest etiquette can dictate how the wedding will be remembered for years to come.

So in order to remind guests how to behave and you know, act like adults and stuff, we’ve put together some tips of proper wedding etiquette. Warning: this should probably be taken with a grain of salt (or a grain of throwing confetti).

1. Don’t RSVP but show up anyway.

That whole RSVP thing is just unnecessary paperwork, am I right? I mean, you two were as thick as thieves in uni, as if you’d miss their wedding. You know what would be even more fun though? If they don’t figure out you are going and you just show up. Everybody loves a good surprise! Why waste time with all that RSVP business?

2. Bringing a plus one without telling your hosts.

Speaking of surprises; a surprise plus one always goes down a real hoot! Wedding caterers are always prepared for a few extra people here and there. And when you think about it a wedding is a perfect first date for that total hottie you met at a bar last night.  Free meal, free booze, live entertainment, what more could you ask for? Gold star for you for thinking of such an awesome budget friendly date idea.

Speaking of surprises; a surprise plus one always goes down a real hoot! Image supplied.

3. Wearing white.

Can’t decide what to wear? White on white is very on trend this season. The more bridal looking the better, so add some cute diamontes or lace for extra points. The bride will be sick of all the attention on her on the day anyway, so wearing white is a great way to distract the guests and get them to look at you instead.  Matching outfits also show how close you two are. #twinning 


4. Becoming the photographer.

You know what the bride would absolutely love? Whilst she’s walking down the aisle, follow her with your iPhone 6 taking as many photos as possible. She probably has paid a professional photographer but your Instagram has totally awesome filters so she’s bound to prefer your photos anyway. You know what would also be super cool? If you post all the shots on social media for them, even before the ceremony is finished. What bride and groom wouldn’t love you posting photos to their Facebook friends before they got to choose a special picture of their own to share?

5. Complaining about everything while you’re there.

It’s important for the bride and groom and anybody else who was involved in the wedding process to know every detail you are unhappy with on the day that they spent a year planning. Besides, learning to accept criticism is an important life lesson. It’s really helpful if you complain about everything from the decorations to the food to the musician. Especially if your cousin’s best friend’s uncle-in-law is in a band and could have done a far better job. This is information they totally need to be told on the day just, you know, so they can improve for next time.  

6. Drinking as much as possible.

Why would someone put a bar tab or in the best case scenario a completely open bar if they didn’t expect you to drink as much as possible in the quickest time frame? It would be rude not to! Weddings are a great time to show off your alcohol sculling skills. Packing your own ping pong balls and plastic cups for beer pong also shows extra initiative. The bride and groom will find you totally adorable when you drunkenly interrupt their first dance together.


7. Make an inappropriate speech.

Making a speech? This is a perfect opportunity to bring up that hilarious story about the time in Vegas the groom fell in love with Candy the Stripper and later got arrested for indecent exposure. His 90-year-old grandma lives to hear these tales. If you are not supposed to make a speech, we highly recommend taking the microphone and making an impromptu one anyway. Refer to point one, everybody loves surprises.

9. Bring up past issues with a family member.

If you haven’t seen your estranged brother for a while, your cousin’s wedding is the best time to bring up all your past issues and get it all out in the open. So what if it ends up in a screaming match or even a physical altercation? It’s always better to deal with these things in a very public way then to just hold your tongue and spend the day around them suffering in silence.

10. Start a ‘when will they get divorced’ bet.

Need a fun idea for keeping your table entertained between formalities and speeches? Starting a betting tab over how long it will take for the couple to get divorced is a great way to introduce yourself to others on the table and make a long term connection (so you can keep in touch over the coming months to see who gets the divorce date right.) If the bride and groom over-hear they are bound to find you witty and hilarious. What a great joke!


11. Bring out your sexiest dance moves.

After a few sneaky champers, it’s a known fact your dancing ability improves by at least 150%. The dance-floor at a wedding is a great place to bring out your sexiest dance moves, especially if you can do fun tricks like gyrating and twerking. Also pashing another guest like you’re 16 at a school dance reminds everyone that you’ve still got it. Particularly if you’re in the 40 and above age bracket.

12. Propose to your significant other.

The candles are lit. The drinks are flowing. The ambiance is amazing. Everything in this environment screams love, love, love! Where could you possibly find a more romantic place to propose to your significant other? Proposing to your partner at somebody else’s wedding is a sure fire way to make it a memorable experience for everyone. The bride and groom won’t mind that you took the attention from them on their special day because, love!

Have you ever witnessed any wedding day disasters?