'I am feeling hurt by what my mother-in-law is wearing to my wedding.'

Is it ever, ever, ever OK to wear white to a wedding? And is it ever OK to do just that, if you’re the mother-in-law of the bride?

Such is the quandary of one mum and bride-to-be, who has taken to parenting forum Mumsnet to disclose how fraught her relationship with her mother-in-law is, and how much it’s coming to climax in the lead-up to her wedding.

“My MIL [mother-in-law] and I always got on brilliantly until my [son was born a year ago],” a user called 2016mumma wrote. “Since then she has been opinionated on every decision we make as his parents and if we ask her not to do something she will in front of us go against our wishes, with the excuse of ‘it’s what Grandmas do’.

That’s a whole different thread.

“We get married in September and yesterday my MIL announced she was wearing a off white [sic] dress for the occasion. [Am I being unreasonable] to be a little hurt by this I believed the etiquette of weddings was only the bride wears white?”

Listen: Speaking of mother-in-laws, listen to the Mamamia Out Loud team tackle a listener dilemma about a MIL who came to stay and refuses to leave.

The mum-of-one went on to explain she’s trying to not take it as a personal attack, but can’t see the decision as anything else.

“I am trying really hard not to take it personally and as a fingers up to me (although this is something she would do). She always wants to be the centre of attention and will play the victim if ever we try to discuss the way she is with [our son].

“If I am being reasonable in that it’s not the done thing to do, do we say something or keep our mouths shut for the sake of keeping the peace?” she asked fellow users.


A couple of users told her to definitely say something.

“F*ck keeping the peace, it’s your wedding day not just a random party!!! Is she stupid, inconsiderate or both?!?” one wrote.

However, the general consensus is her own actions will be her own undoing, and pointing out won’t change that.

“She is the one who will look stupid. Nobody will mistake her for the bride. Let her dig her own hole if she really wants to,” one suggested.

“It will reflect badly on her rather than detracting anything from you. I’d be miffed though,” another said.

“Just ignore her. It will reflect badly on her, but no-one will think worse of you. You’ll still be the bride and therefore the centre of attention, no matter what your MIL does.”

In 2017, Australia’s leading wedding boutique White Runway told Mamamia if you do decide you want to wear white to a wedding, make sure it’s not the only colour on the dress.

“There’s plenty of colour schemes to throw around with white – white and pink, white and gold, white and blue, white and literally any other colour possible. Surely we don’t have to tell you that white goes with everything. Capatalise on that.”

They also suggest “steering away from princess-esque fabrics”.

“Refrain from wearing lace, tulle or silk dresses,” the boutique suggests.