real life

She uses beads to negotiate sex. Wait. What?

1 down, 39 to go…..

It’s a fairly obvious indication when my husband is still sitting next to me on the couch at 11pm, battling to keep his eyes open, that he’s after more than a whiff of eau de Wife and an unhealthy dose of reality TV.

He’s doing what I like to refer to as ‘The Hang’.  You know it right?  That thing the guy does when he wants sex.  He knows if he goes to bed before you, it’s all over, there will be none of ‘the sex’ that night.   Yet, if he waits around, possibly endures a couple of hours of crap television, a seemingly endless telephone conversation with one of your girlfriends and a bit of faffing around on the internet, there is a good chance you’ll be guilted into rewarding him with a bit of nookie at bedtime.

From what I understand, I think this situation, or some kind of variation, is fairly standard.  But what if it didn’t have to be this way?  What if there was a more organised system to marital sex?  Do you think you’d be interested? What if it involved beads?  Wait, let me explain…


Carolyn Evans has written an interactive book called Forty Beads; The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage. My initial reaction?  A)  Why, when the topic of “Sex, Beads and Marital Sex” came up did the good folk here at Mamamia immediately think of me?  and B) I had no B, I was still stuck at A.  But then I read a story on about the forty beads concept:

“Carolyn Evans’ book Forty Beads; The Simple, Sexy Secret for Transforming Your Marriage proposes that married couples save (or merely improve) their relationships by using a token system. According to Evans’ method, the man is given 40 beads which he distributes, one bead at a time, to his wife. Each bead means he’s in the mood, and the wife has 24 hours to respond with sex.”  Check it out:

Oh the pressure!  I think I’d rather the surprise attack method.  Or at very least, much less anticipation.  Imagine being at work, mindlessly photocopying and suddenly remembering, Jesus, that’s right, I’ve got to give Malcolm a root tonight, he put a bead in the bead catcher this morning.

My other problem with this is, is it really a good thing to take the basic communication out of sex?  Don’t we deserve, at the very least, to have a load of washing put on in an attempt to win us over?   I mean, my husband already knows he’s in seven shades of shit without so much a raised head out of my Sunday paper, if we stop talking about sex, we may stop communicating altogether.

And why is this a system designed exclusively for the male to deign when he would like to have sex?  Apparently the female can present  a ‘nudge card’ that basically suggests, ‘Hey, I need you to put a bead in the bead catcher, a girl has needs too you know.’   This whole system, according to Carolyn Evans, encourages play and will ‘reignite the spark in the marriage.’

Hmm, my prediction?  After having killed off all spontaneity, those beads would start to be eyed off in an inappropriate way.  Oh, I also predict Google is about to bring a whole bunch of surprised new visitors here today looking for a very ‘different’ bead story.

So. Beads. Good idea? Bad idea? Better ideas?