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'I've been called 'confident' all my life. Here are 6 ways I do it.'

I have been called confident a lot in my life. Sometimes as a compliment, sometimes as an insult, but it's something that has become synonymous with who I am. I think people often assume I'm naturally confident, that I was born with a never-ending source of feeling fabulous, but that sadly isn't the reality.

While you're here, here are few things you can try if you're feeling a little down. Post continues below.


Video via Mamamia.

Truthfully, I'm very anxious, and being confident isn't always something that comes naturally. It's something I must work at. The thing about trying to be confident is that it makes you feel better. Acting like you believe in yourself makes you believe in yourself. So, the practices I've taught myself are very useful. 

So here are all the things I do that make me feel confident:

Eye contact!

Always give people eye-contact! Eye contact helps you make friends, makes you seem approachable, and gives off an air of confidence. Plus, it makes people feel important and valued when your body language is giving them attention.

The real secret is to make eye-contact and smile, so you look happy! It's such a small thing, but whenever I'm at a party or when I don't know anyone, I find someone that looks fun, then I hit them with some eye contact and a smile and bam, I've made a new mate or at the very least found someone to talk to. 

Use self-assured language.

I know self-deprecating humour has its place and I'm the first one to crack a joke at my expense around close family and friends but in my work life and broader social life; I don't do it.

I'm totally anti-putting-yourself-down. Honestly, half the time you might go for a joke but it just ends up falling flat. Women are so guilty of this that they constantly put themselves down, and it often makes me sad. Let's be honest sometimes a joke feels more like a cry for help.

So, instead of saying something like, "I'm going to eat this Tim Tam now, because I'm such a pig," I say things like, "I'm going to eat this Tim Tam now because I deserve it!" I use language that doesn't put me down, and honestly, it creates a better vibe. And people then feel more comfortable having a Tim Tam too.

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Stop apologising!

Yes, sometimes you do need to say sorry, but my natural inclination is to apologise for things that aren't my fault. I used to apologise via email to someone, because they hadn't replied to me and missed a deadline; I'd send a classic, "So sorry for bothering you!" When they were the ones that should be saying sorry. Well, I've cut that right out of my life. You should never have to apologise if you have nothing to apologise for. Be confident in your actions and your thoughts. Basically, channel a very average white man.

Ask questions.

Being interested in other people always makes you appear confident because you aren't a wallflower in the corner. 

The best advice my mum ever gave me is that when you're in a social situation and don't know what to do, ask people about themselves! Everyone loves talking about themselves and it is something that never fails me. Whenever I'm anxious or unsure what to say, my default is to ask the other person questions about themselves, and it works like a charm. Plus, it gets me to relax into the conversation.

Be honest.

People respect people who are comfortable with themselves, if you own something it gives you that effortless air of confidence. When I was younger, I was always trying so hard to appear cool, I'd pretend to like bands I didn't like or pretend I was really interested in running when I was not.

Now, I'm just upfront and unapologetic, and I'll openly admit I think Taylor Swift is a musical genius. I don't apologise or act embarrassed. I openly acknowledge the fact that I collect Barbie dolls. Interestingly, when you say something with confidence I find people just respect it.

Side note: What’s the difference between Main Character Energy and Main Character Syndrome? Listen to it on this episode of The Undone. Post continues after podcast.


Wear the dress!

There's always some version of 'the dress' but what I mean by that is simple: wear clothes you like. Never think you can't buy a studded leather jacket because you aren't cool enough to pull it off! You are cool enough to wear it and you deserve to wear it. Wear the clothes that make you happy. It'll make you feel more fabulous, which enhances your confidence.

The truth is, as a woman, I've received so much social conditioning not to take up space. To not come across as arrogant and to be humble but so much of that often made me feel so bad about myself. So, I've switched my thinking and behaviour, and sure, sometimes, maybe the odd person thinks I'm arrogant, but I think most people find my confidence soothing, comforting and a good thing. In the immortal words of Demi Lovato, "What's wrong with being confident?" 

Feature Image: Instagram @maryrosem.

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