SPOILER ALERT: Don’t say we didn’t warn you.
It may not be Christmas time, Emma Thompson may not have reprised her role as the ever-so stoic wife and mother and Sam may not be his endearingly innocent 12-year-old self, but Red Nose Actually aired in the UK and proved to tie so many loose ends together for eager audiences.
The 12-minute sequel has raised more than $115 million for Red Nose Day so far, as our old favourites came together in the name of charity.
From the trailer – and the odd spoiler – we knew that Juliet and Peter had stayed married all these years later, and that Hugh Grant would take back the reigns as Prime Minister. But alas, the short-but-sweet sequel still packed a punch with the occasional surprise to catch fans off-guard.
Mark got married. To Kate Moss.
When Mark declared his undying love for Juliet on the doorstep of her London home, he softened the blow and lightened the mood by telling her he would marry one of these people:
But then, like, he actually did...
Hugh Grant is still dancing
In a world where Trump rules and Brexit is an actual thing that happened, there's something that feels so safe about having Hugh Grant back in the British driver's seat. Especially when he dances to Drake, no less.
— Red Nose Day (@rednoseday) March 24, 2017
Rowan Atkinson is still slower than a turtle at gift wrapping
It was arguably one of the more frustrating scenes to emerge from an otherwise much-loved film: The late Alan Rickman's character was buying that now infamous necklace and Rowan Atkinson wasn't making his dabble in infidelity easy, taking approximately three-and-a-half years to gift wrap the necklace.
And it turns out time doesn't heal all wounds, or alarmingly, make Rufus the salesclerk any faster at wrapping.
In the sequel, a young boy buys a Red Nose from Rufus. And when it took took longer to wrap the purchase than it took to film the sequel, he could muster only this face:
Colin Firth still can't speak Portuguese
You would think after 13 or 14 years, a wedding and three kids later, Colin Firth's character would be able to speak just a little bit of his wife's native language. But it appears he is just as terrible at speaking Portuguese now as he was then.
In happier news, the duo are able to converse for the first time ever on screen because surprise! Lúcia Moniz's character realised a marriage wasn't viable without conversation.
Oh, and while we're here, Colin Firth doesn't age. At all.
Sam and Joanna are getting married
Because they're 26, not 12, and yes it's all very cute.
Hugh Grant (yes, him again) gave another rousing speech
In light of the most recent London terror attack, it seems Hugh Grant couldn't have picked a better time to give a poignant speech about the state of our world.
When asked by a journalist if he still feels as upbeat that "love [is] actually all around" like he so famously claimed all those years ago, taking a pause, he began:
"Well, interesting obviously times have got harder and people are nervous and fearful. And it's not just in politics that things are tough, Usain Bolt has run his last Olympics, the Harry Potter films are finished, Piers Morgan is still alive.
"But let's look at the other side of the coin, Metallica's album is an absolute cracker and on a deeper level I'm optimistic wherever you see tragedy, you see bravery too. Wherever you see ordinary people in need, you see extraordinary people come to their aid.
"Today is Red Nose Day and people who are giving their hard earned cash to people they'll never meet, who's pain and fear they'll never feel and want to fight.
"So it's not romantic love that is all round, most people still everyday, everywhere have enough love in their hearts to help human beings in trouble.
"Good's going to win, I'm actually sure of it."