rogue

A man wanted to leave his gym. So he wrote them a breakup letter.

We’ve all been there.

You’ve moved cities, lost your job, are now living in a commune in which you only eat cucumbers, and you just want to get out of your goddamn gym contract.

Except… you can’t.

The gym in question won’t let you go and is making you jump through all sorts of hoops to finally break free.

When one man, who we shall call Peter, was faced with this very dilemma recently he came up with a very clever – and hilarious – solution.

He wrote them a break up letter.

“Planet Fitness wouldn’t let me cancel over the phone, and required a certified letter to cancel since I live in a different state now,” he explained on Reddit. “I dropped this in the mail today.”

The letter read: “It is with deep regret, and a heavy heart that I write this. But while it was one of the more taxing decisions I’ve had to make of late, it is the right one. The purpose of this letter is to end my relationship with Planet Fitness.

“I know I’ve been distant, but it’s because I’ve changed. I have different needs now, and to be frank… you really haven’t changed at all.

“You’re still that bulky, purple and yellow building with the tootsie rolls at the counter. I don’t want to change you, and it pains me to think that we were once one, but are now separate and in different places.”

Peter then goes on to explain that he’s moved onto a new facility – the gym in his new apartment complex. Said gym apparently has a “state of the art whachamacallit that really tones my thighs and masters my ass in ways that were hitherto unknown”.

“I still think fondly of you, and the time we spent together, as I drive by one of your many locations. Sometimes when I’m alone, I even throw on one of my old ‘power-pop workout’ playlists and feel the rush of our past course through me as if we were still one, holding hands with your elliptical machine and gingerly brushing my sweaty bangs out of my face as I huff and puff in a tumultuous vortex of sweat and endorphins,” he writes.

Peter finishes off his letter with the old adage “all good things must come to an end”.

“You just keep being you, and while we will both grow, it will be into our own new lives without each other.”

Tags: rogue
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