1. Not a fan.
“When I was seven, my brother was chasing me around the house and I fell over a fan blade. I cut my clitoris and had to be taken into emergency to get it fixed.”
2. Zero hero.
“I was going through puberty before a lot of my friends and didn’t understand why I suddenly had hair. So I took my dad’s straight razor and hid under a blanket shaving it off. Dry. With zero experience. Without pulling anything taught. My poor labia and vulva hurt so badly from all the cuts. Straight razors should not be used by nine to 10 year-olds.”
Watch Dr Ginni and Shelly Horton discuss what makes a normal, healthy vagina. (Post continues after video.)
3. First tampon mission.
“The first time I tried tampons, I must have put the tampon in wrong because it got stuck half-way and wouldn’t budge in either direction. I tugged at it as hard as I dared (which, to be fair, wasn’t that hard because I was scared I’d prolapse myself if I just yanked it out dry) and it wouldn’t move.
“I rang my friend for advice and she asked her flat mate. They said, ‘Try masturbating, if you get turned on your vagina will get lubed up and expand and the tampon might be easier to get out.’ I wasn’t really feeling very sexy but I said okay and gave it a go. Got out my vibe and waddled over to my bed like a horny penguin and desperately tried to think sexy thoughts. (It did actually work! Tampon popped out really easily afterwards.)”
4. Taking clean to a new level.
“When I was a young teenager and fairly foolish, I got the great idea once to put hand sanitiser on my vagina. Don’t put hand sanitiser on your vagina.”
5. Whipper snipper.
“When my [pubic hairs] first started growing in I would use scissors to trim them, and once managed to cut myself right at the part where the inner thigh meets the outside of the vagina. Hurt like hell but I got a wicked scar.” (Post continues after gallery.)
6. Feel that burn.
“I masturbated directly after eating a bunch of raw jalapenos. I wasn’t thinking and forgot to wash my hands. The burning sensation was quite undesirable.”
7. A stray strand.
“When I was about 10, I was at school when I started to feel very uncomfortable down there. The discomfort grew progressively worse, so I went to the bathroom to check it out. By the time I got home, I was in agony, but too embarrassed to tell my mum. So I took a compact mirror into my room and went to work.
“You know how sometimes you mysteriously end up with hair in your undies? Well, it turned out that one of my blonde head hairs had wrapped itself around my clitoris and hood, which were now purple and utterly swollen. It took me until dinnertime, so probably an hour or so, to remove the strand of hair, and I was in pain for days after that.”
8. Not-so-fun seesaw.
“When I was eight, my friend leapt off of the seesaw when I was on the top; I came crashing down. It hurt like nothing before and I started screaming and crying (and bleeding) and my mum helped me waddle home. Her mum came to my house to check me out (she was a nurse) and we discovered that when I landed my hymen ripped open, which is where the blood came from. It didn’t stop hurting for about a week, and I got a huge bruise all around my 'sitting area', but ice packs definitely helped.”
9. A sexy fail.
“Boyfriend (who at the time, was not very sexually experienced) was getting ready to go down on me. He tried to be sexy and take my underwear off with his teeth. Instead, he bit my clit. Oh my god, I am cringing in tears thinking about it!”
Watch: Can you really 'lose' a tampon inside your vagina? We have the answer. (Post continues after video.)
10. Not cool…
“I was trying to be cool by balancing on a handrail and fell so that it slammed right between my legs. My vulva was so swollen that it hurt to pee and tore in some places.”
11. The ‘giner shiner’.
“I play roller derby and there is an incident sometimes known as the ‘giner shiner’. It happened to me once and I feel sympathy pains when it happens to my teammates. It’s literally a wheel in the vagina.”
12. School soccer.
“Playing soccer in high school. I ended up colliding with the goalie and her knee went directly to my vag. The bruised and swollen pain was unbearable. What’s worse is that I couldn’t walk correctly, to the point I needed crutches for a week and the whole school knew why.”
13. Let it rip.
“My vag ripped when I was giving birth… They stitched it up and it healed pretty well. My perineum is shorter than it used to be but no lasting damage really.”
14. Not the wax.
“First waxing experience. I didn’t pull the skin tight when I ripped the wax sheet off and was left with a very dark purple bruise for a week. Never again.”
15. Hence the warning...
“Chemical burns on my labia from using depilatory cream down there. It says not to use it on your genitals, but it was fine on my bikini line and so I thought I’d try and be clever!”
16. Itchy situation.
“I got a mosquito bite on my labia. I don’t know how, I don’t wear skirts or dresses, always wear underwear. But I got it, and I couldn’t tell anyone. It was painful, itchy, giant bump, and I couldn’t itch it at all!”
Do you have a horror story you’re prepared to share?