What’s in a name? About $40,000, apparently.
Are you sick and tired of all these people drifting through life with “traditional” names like ‘James’ and ‘Charlotte’?
Every time you meet a ‘Ben’ or ‘Emma’, do you find yourself stifling a yawn and scrolling Instagram for something more exciting?
Are you yearning for a unique name for your child? One that isn’t just plucked out of a book or off a cemetery headstone, but DESIGNED, CREATED, SCULPTED from the very alphabet letters we know and love into something so powerful it will blow the nips off any schoolteacher that ever takes a roll call?
Then say hello to international baby naming agency Erfolgswelle.*
*Don’t literally say hello. Saying their name is like trying to talk with 10 marshmallows crammed in your gob (we tried):
That’s right. Some parents will go to great lengths to secure a unique baby name.
And now, for the low low price of $40,000 this new Swiss company will design one for you. They put a team of creatives on the case. They’ve got 14 naming experts, 12 translators, and four historians on hand, as well as two trademark attorneys to ensure the names don’t conflict with companies and products (we know how that ended for poor baby Nutella).
From the website:
“Your child has earned a new and independent name. For being called the same thing as countless others is not a great art…
Your child has EARNED it?
Buddy, it just sat there in the womb chewing on the umbilical cord. It’s not exactly building the iphone7.
The staff at Erfolgswelle (the name hardly inspires confidence, does it?) will spend around 100 hours per client coming up with a list of 15-25 possible names. They’re in the board room. They’re surrounded by butchers paper. They’re ordering Chinese takeout and they’re not LEAVING until you’ve got yourself a baby name.