kids

"My daughter is, quite frankly, unattractive."

What would you do?

A desperate mum has taken to popular social media site Reddit, to make a startling confession: She has an unattractive child and she needs help.

In her candid post, she writes that she and her husband have one child, a nine-year-old daughter — and that her daughter, erm, just doesn’t look very good.

As our daughter matures, and believe me, I hate myself for saying this, please don’t lambast me, it just is a logical fact, she’s very physically unattractive. She got the worst traits of both my husband and I. His wide set eyes and strong nose, most of his facial bone structure, actually, my stocky build and curly hair, her skin tone is pretty much right between mine and his.

But our daughter, though physically normal, honestly looks like she has some sort of disability. So much so we had her tested. She doesn’t. One doctor, who was filling in for our regular doctor when DD fell and her arm, when explaining to us how to help her wear a splint for what was, thankfully, just a moderate sprain, said, ‘When a child has Down’s syndrome….’

But the mother explains her daughter doesn’t have Down syndrome or any other kind of disability. It’s just… what it is.

“She got the worst traits of both my husband and I,” the mother writes.

And although she and her husband love their daughter dearly and “wouldn’t want any other child, even if (they) could have the most physically beautiful child on earth,” they don’t know how to react when other kids make rude comments — and they find her daughter’s looks “hard to reconcile with how much (they) love her, and what a wonderful person she is”.

The mother, who does not identify herself, recalls:

A couple kids in the park have asked, ‘Why does that girl look that way?’ to their parents…

I feel beyond awful that I feel this way. But, because she is such a wonderful person inside, it hurts me the more that her peers won’t see past her physical appearance. And, may god strike me dead for saying this, I’d almost rather she DID have a disability or chromosomal disorder. Then there would be an explanation for the way she looks other than just “bad genetic luck”.

“We tell our daughter she’s beautiful, because she IS beautiful. “

The mum admits that she has tried to help her daughter “make the most of what she has”:

She’s not attractive. Of course we don’t ever, EVER even allude to this. We try to help her make the most of what she has, constructively. We let her choose her own clothing for the most part, but it’s, ‘Which shirt do you like better? This one, or this one?’ and try to choose colours and cuts that flatter her body and complexion.

Related: The truth about the #feministsareugly hashtag.

She continues:

She just has such a wonderful heart and personality, it was like god (define that how you will) could only let her have one type of beauty. And I’d rather have her be a good hearted person more than anything else. But life will be hard for her and she doesn’t deserve that. I just don’t know how to NOT feel guilty that I don’t think my own child is adorable and gorgeous.

“I’d rather have her be a good hearted person more than anything else. But life will be hard for her and she doesn’t deserve that.”

The devastated mother concludes with two questions:

How can I help her look HER best?…  How do I answer the ‘am I pretty mummy’ questions? I just want to help my daughter grow to be a healthy, happy young woman, and not let her appearance get in the way of letting the world know what a wonderful person she is.

Hundreds of commenters have now replied with some reassuring words of advice.

“Carlinha1289”, who was unfortunate-looking herself as a child, writes:

From age 5-12 I just looked really bad… My parents often were asked if I was mentally disabled. At about age 13-14 it started to stabilize and I just…grew into it. I don’t know, everything became proportional. So, keep in mind that hormones at puberty might kick in and just change her body style and face. That is an option.

As for right now, you’re doing great… As for the “Am I pretty mummy?” I would have been CRUSHED if my parents ever told me that I wasn’t pretty. My mum used to tell me all the time that for her I as the prettiest little girl alive. I knew I wasn’t the prettiest girl alive, but if to her I was, that was fine with me. Good luck OP, you’re doing great.

This should disturb you as well: Beautiful people dating site gives “ugly people” makeovers.

“Suddenly_ponies” adds,

C O N F I D E N C E: There is nothing more attractive. Or at the least, if you want to complete the unattractive picture, lack of confidence is the catalyst. If you want to set her up for success, make SURE she is confident in who she is, what her positive attributes are, and her level of “attractiveness” compared to others. Teach her that different people look differently and it’s ok.

And “unnapreciatedartist” sums it up beautifully,

You can start really praising all her efforts in things that are not beauty related. Get her involved in things that enrich her life. You state she has a big heart, perhaps volunteering somewhere would make her very happy?

By being involved in various activities she will learn to associate her worth with her actions and not other peoples perceptions.

Over to you. What would you tell this mum?