baby

Do you think you might have an ugly baby? This is how you can tell for sure.

Are you trapped in the new mum haze? Do you wake up every morning and dash to the crib to launch into another all day staring marathon with the beautiful creature you created?

Chances are, you could be a bit blinded by a mother’s love.

You see, to others, that bald, misshapen head may not be a sign of individuality. Your darling’s eyes might not seem as adorable as they do to you. And those scrawny little twig limbs? Your mother secretly wishes she was cuddling a chubby bub.

Eventually as the haze lifts you’ll start to wonder – is my baby really as cute as I think he is?

On This Glorious Mess, we discuss how to get the truth out of your friends. 

There comes a time when you just need everyone who peeks into the pram to stop gushing and tell you the truth – your baby has a face that only a mother could love.

As true as night is dark and your baby will wake you half an hour before your alarm goes off, some babies are just more good looking than others.*

If your friends and family aren’t quite so forthcoming about where your kid falls on the cuteness spectrum, The Cut writer Jen Gann came up with a test.

“My son just turned 15 months, and I’m not really sure. I think he might be objectively cute,” she says.

So she found a way to trick her friends into telling her the harsh truth.

“All you need to do is find one random, not-cute baby photo from the internet,” she says.

Send it to all your friends, tell them it’s yours, and wait for the replies to roll in.

Because no one is going to tell you upfront that your baby is a beast, you’ll probably get a flood of “OHMYGOSH HE IS SO FREAKIN’ CUTE”‘s. These are the friends who will lie to your face, for better or worse.

Now you know their lying style, you’ll be able to pick if your friend is telling the truth when you send your real baby picture.

According to new mum Jen, the other response you’ll get is, “Wow, look at his expression! What a smart-looking baby. He looks like he’s really thinking and taking the world in.”

“Congratulations: This means you can trust your friend, who cannot bring herself to lie about an ugly baby. She is searching and working, hard, to compliment him in departments other than looks,” Jen writes.

Sounds simple enough. But can you handle the truth?

*Disclaimer: I’ve never met a baby that wasn’t scrumptiously gorgeous. 

Would you test your friends like this? 

Listen to the full episode of This Glorious Mess here:

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