dating

11 types of relationships you'll have before finding the 'one'.

Types of relationships. There’re countless. Each relationship is seemingly unique, different from the last, different (sometimes hopefully) from the next. Yet, these relationships have one thing in common. They are destined never to be with the ‘one’.

Here are 11 of the most common types of relationships and these are the ones we will all journey through – maybe for years, maybe for minutes – before we find the ‘one’. These are the relationships doomed from the start, but nevertheless we start them.

We’ve seen friends in them, we’ve been in them too.

Are you in one now?

The rebound.

We’ve all been there. You’re riding off the back of an intense break up. Maybe you’re on a high, free and relieved. Maybe you’re on a desperate low, looking for a way to drown your sorrows. Either way, one lucky individual is sure to catch your eye. They’re filling a void, making you feel good, helping you understand all the reasons why your ex-relationship was not meant to be. It’s the rebound and it’s game on. Sex. Emotion. One powerful bounce back into the world of dating.

Friends with benefits.

So you know them well. You’ve probably had a platonic friendship for a long time and then something changed. Perhaps one night, at the exact same dinner you’ve done every month for the last five years, something different caught your eye. You’re getting your rocks off with each other and it’s perfect. You know each other well. You know each other’s flaws, strengths, history. You’re not expecting anything, because you’re just friends. Great sex, without pressure, with someone you trust = perfect. Until you do start to expect something. Then it’s allllll over.

Forbidden love.

This is so romantic. You know it’s not right. Maybe one of you is in a relationship. Maybe you work together. Maybe your from different cultures, communities, religions. Perhaps you’re re-living the Shakespearean reality of forbidden love from feuding families. Whatever it is, you’re in love. How do you know you’re in love? Because that rush of feeling won’t disappear despite the fact that it really, really should. All the odds are against it. One question though, what happens if it wasn’t forbidden? Would it still be as exciting, romantic, irresistible? (If the answer is still yes, then fuck the rules and go for it.)

The one-night-stand.

You went out. Found someone you liked. You banged. You’re probably hungover, makeup running down your face. There isn’t much more to say about this. Except…..

One-night stands have a habit, particularly when women are involved (which, in heterosexual one-night-stands, is 100% of the time), to turn into more. It’s the hold-on. Trying to make something real and emotional out of a spontaneous (drunk?) purely physical decision. This is a disaster. Two months of sex and reading-into-every-phrase-for-a-hidden-meaning-anguish down the track, one of you will notify the other that “you’re just not feeling it, anymore”. And your one-night-stand-come-two-months-of-turmoil will be officially over. Except the hangover will be worse and you won’t move on so easily.

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Together for convenience.

This, perhaps, is the saddest of situations. You’re in a relationship. You know things are over but it’s too goddamn difficult to make the call. Why? not necessarily because of the other person, or your feelings, but more because making the call means you’ll have to sacrifice your living situation. Sell the car you bought together. Extend your commute to work. Budget by yourself. Think about all those things you really don’t want to think about; bond, rent, moving house, packing boxes, finding your own way to work, etc. etc.

If these are the things keeping you together. It’s time to get out.

One-side has heart.

This is like unrequited love, but the sex is good. So you’re together, but you clearly care more. much more. than they do. This is heart breaking. And you know what? They don’t deserve you. All those times where you’ve bared your soul, opened up, declared your love, and it’s fallen flat in a phrase of “that’s nice babe, thank you so much, it’s great you feel that way”? LEAVE LEAVE LEAVE.

But it’s something we all have to experience. It’s part of the journey that is finding love that is equal, and nice, and normal, and reciprocated.

All heart.

These relationships can get crazy. Like shit is going down crazy. When both of you have so much invested in the relationship, it can be brutal BRUTAL when one of you let’s the other down. If it’s all heart and no sexual attraction, that can be tough too. Because what happens when one of you is attracted to someone else? But so heart-stoppingly in love with your partner emotionally? That right there is a dilemma. These are the relationships that are inevitably unsustainable, but that will teach you a lot about the power of love, and the importance of balance.

The one that got away.

Oh, that person. Your Mr. Big. It’s meant to be, it is. It’s just the timing isn’t right. Or you’re not in the right place. Or you just have different priorities at this stage of your lives. All the reasons and all the excuses why it hasn’t happened (and probably never will happen) are endless. But they’re still the one. They’re still the person you’re messaging regularly, they’re the reason why you’re single, they’re the person you share your bed with on occasions, they’re the one you’re waiting for.

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They’re all these things until one of you finds someone with whom the timing is right, the priorities are aligned, the life-stages are in tact. Then, you’re no longer each other’s the one. And the ‘relationship’ is finally, harrowingly inarguably, done.

The domineering relationship.

They’re alpha and you love that. They’re funny, confident, flattering, showy, and you are ‘lucky’ to be with them. Except you’re not. Not at all. The fact they can command a room, and the way they’re so charming and lovable that you all of a sudden have abandoned your friends, job, life, aspirations in order to make them happy, is not adorable. It’s also not love. The domineering effect is tricky. Because you hardly ever understand you’re in it till it’s too far gone. Everyone else probably understands it, of course. But not you. Nuh uh. You are not buying it. But one day, you will. And you will be stronger, better, more discerning because of it.

The open relationship.

To some these relationships are the epitome of freedom. To others, they are the definition of fear – fear of commitment, of devotion, fear of love even? However you see them, there is no denying that open relationships can work. Between two consenting individuals, open relationships can provide the balance and fulfilment necessary for a long-term relationship. Receiving what you need from each other in terms of security, intellect, support and affection, while finding sexual, sensual fulfilment elsewhere can be sustainable and arguably liberating. It could even, according to multiple sources, help invigorate the sexual relationship between the two of you.

It’s purely physical.

It’s all about the sex… but is it really? Ever? All about the sex? This is like the friends with benefits scenario. But without the friendship. This is purely and simply, utterly and completely, booty call material. You’re feeling the urge, he or she is feeling the urge, there’s only one person to call. Exactly like ghost busters. This situation can be empowering, often experimental. Both of you can play out each others fantasies without fear of attachment or intimacy.

Great when there are hidden wounds or emotional scars. Perfect for those who are scared to get close. Ideal for those who love to have sex.

There are two things that could go wrong here. Either one of you start to have feelings for the other, which (we agreed) was a definite ‘no deal’. Or your eye starts to wander, and you’re no longer interested – a deterioration sped along by the fact there’s been no emotion involved since the beginning. Alternatively, neither of these things could happen, and you could go on having mind-blowing, on-call, office desk sex for eternity in your own form of paradise.

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