Hungriness has so many levels.
I’m talking about more than ACTUAL hungriness. Actual Hunger is still there; the drum roll that happens in your belly as your body waits with excited anticipation for a treat to drop down from above. (Apparently, with our food-focused society, there is a common fear of being hungry which leads us to snack all the time and eat more meals than we should. Whatever. Pass me the biscuit tin, please.)
And of course, there is EMOTIONAL hungriness. The kind when you’re sad, so you eat a whole pizza and a tub of ice-cream. Or you’re happy, so you eat a whole pizza and a tub of ice-cream. Or you’re angry, so you yell at someone. And then eat a whole pizza and a tub of ice-cream.
But I’m talking about the more complicated hungers. The hungers that make The Hunger Games look simply snack-ish. The hungers that are so layered and complex, they are practically Inception in your insides.
The 12 Types Of Hunger.
1. Watching-TV Hungry.
Does the remote even work if your fingers aren’t covered in BBQ Shapes?
2. Specific Hungry (or, in my case, Nutella Donut Hungry).
A craving might have popped in to your head. Don’t question how. Don’t question why. Just accept that the urge is never going to be satisfied if you don’t have the salted caramel popcorn thickshake you’re dreaming of. A girl I knew was once hungry for a chicken kiev (you know? The crumbed chicken fillet that oozes garlic butter? Drooooool…) and she went to four supermarkets and five restaurants until she found one. Because SHE KNOWS.
3. 3pm Hungry.
You’re sitting at your desk, getting a bit restless. You’ve had enough coffees for the day. You’ve eaten a decent lunch. But now, you can’t stop thinking about the biscuits in the office kitchen. Or stealing a piece of the leftover cake from some colleague’s birthday. My advice? Just do it and blame the intern.
Hanger is a real thing, people. It’s when you’re so hungry, you don’t have the capacity to deal with other people’s bullshit, so you’re a bit snappy. Be a better person. Feed yo’self.
Sometimes, usually when I’ve waited all morning until a fancy brunch date, I’m so fungry (not a typo, you can probably guess the two words that made up that term…) that by the time my meal comes I’ve surpassed the state of hunger and I’m just feeling nauseous and dizzy. Until the first mouthful of food, and then survival kicks in and I inhale the whole plate at once, cutlery and all.
6. Drunk Hungry (also known as Hungry For Maccas).
It’s midnight. Well, maybe it’s 2am in your early twenties, or 10:30pm if you’re over 28. Anyway, you’ve had a few drinks. And there’s a kind of hunger building in your tastebuds that can only be satisfied by a McChicken meal. Don’t worry. Just tell yourself that classic excuse, ‘if I eat this now, I’ll be less hungover tomorrow’. Just shoosh and eat your nuggets.
7. Dessert Hungry.
I once read that Kristen Bell has dessert after every meal – breakfast, lunch and dinner. Considering her body, she probably means a couple of raspberries with almond butter, or something equally as paleo. Still, if KB does it, I’mma do it. I’m not hungry for more food, I just want something delicious and smothered in chocolate.
8. Just-In-Case Hungry.
This one comes back to the aforementioned ‘fear of being hungry’. Maybe you have a business meeting that might drag on a bit, or you’re heading out to do errands. You better eat something now, because you might not get a chance later. Even if you do get a chance later, you better eat something now. In conclusion, eat something.
9. PMS Hungry.
Two words. Bruce Bogtrotter.
10. Pregnant Hungry.
I haven’t experienced this one personally, but a friend of mine told me that the best way for her to avoid feeling nauseous all day long was to snack continually. Or, as she described, ‘wake up and roll immediately on to a cracker’.
11. Saw Someone Eating Something And Now I’m Hungry For That.
A guy on my train was eating a Wagon Wheel (a fully grown man, and he wasn’t even a hipster. I think I love him). So obviously I had to get a Wagon Wheel. Because everybody’s doing it.
12. Bored Hungry.
“I’ve finished all my work. I’ve done the washing. I can’t be assed going to the gym. Guess I better check out what’s happening in the fridge. And then the pantry. And then the fridge again.”
So there you have it. Hungry is a wild beast. A wild beast who needs to be tamed with regular snacks and emergency cookies. Like right now. I’ve written the word ‘hungry’ so many times just now that it doesn’t even look like a word any more. Hungry. Hungry. Hun. Gree.
I gotta go. I’m starving.