So here’s something I never thought I would announce on a national news website: I’m off the pill.
(Relax, Mum – there’s not a grandchild on the way.)
A few months back – six, actually – I decided to step off the pill train. It was a quiet dismount, no song and dance, no impassioned speeches about how or why.
I just felt that after close to a decade of being completely and utterly shocked every month when my period arrived – What? This, again?!– it would be kinda nice to know it was coming. Get back to basics.
So, I decided to ditch the one thing that was turning me into a lazy menstruator, and take myself off the contraceptive pill. I would reconnect with my body. I would cut the cord to those bitter little pills. I would return to nature. I would be earth woman extraordinaire.
So, I did what any iPhone-dependent millennial would do, and downloaded an app.
My period-tracking app is called Eve, and it's equal parts annoying and accurate. Move over Siri, my new personal assistant knows me better than many of my human friends. *Sobs*
Basically, there are two areas of input from the user: firstly, you track your period from the first day to the last in the app's calendar. This way you can review your cycle, and pretty much pinpoint the exact day you're due.
Secondly, you regularly log a variety of symptoms. Daily, weekly, or as I prefer, 'whenever I remember'; you rate how you're feeling in terms of food, sex, sleep, skin, mood, bloating, and other PMS symptoms. The nifty part about the log is that you can start tracking trends in your own body around your menstrual cycle.
(For example, 48 hours before my period is due, I will - without fail - have a tantrum. Last month it was about Doritos. Who knows what will set me off for September.)