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We all have Tom Gleeson to thank for our new Bachelorette.

So here are two things I didn’t expect to come out of 2017:

  1. Sophie Monk is going to be our Bach lady and
  2. We have a red haired comedian to thank for it

Yep, the wizardly Tom Gleeson can be credited with what will be the best bloomin’ television move of the year.

I can explain.

The date was the 5th of April. The TV program The Weekly With Charlie Pickering and the segment, ‘Hard Chat’ when Sophie Monk’s future as our Bachie Queen was decided by God our new Messiah.

A minute into the interview, Tom probed the model and presenter on what reality TV show she’d most like to appear on.

The conversation went a little bit (or, you know, exactly) like this:

Gleeson: “You were discovered through one of the very first reality shows, Pop Stars. Do you wish you waited until a reality show came up that people actually remember?”

Monk: “Yeah, I guess I wish I was in one now. A cooler one.”

Gleeson: “What one would you prefer?”

After a teeny tiny pause indistinguishable to a muggle brain, the stars aligned, flowers bloomed, puppies chortled and the right answer became crystal clear:

Monk:Bachelorette. (I’m) very single.”

Gleeson: “Do they have Celebrity Bachelorette?”

Monk: “No they don’t, but I could be the first.”

Gleeson: “Yeah or you could just wait until your career slid a bit further and you became obscure. People would just think you were a regular person and you could go back on it again.”

And just like that, the wheels on the greatest plan of ALL OF HUMAN HISTORY were in motion.

TV producers started to chatter.

Sophie’s people began making calls.

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I started to wee my pants a little bit.

And, just eight days later, Sophie met with Channel 10 executives. 10 days after that, the news was announced: “Sophie Monk will join us in 2017 as she sets out to find an honest, kind and real Australian man to spend the rest of her life with.”

Um, HELLO?!

TOM GLEESON IS CLEARLY WIELDING SUPERNATURAL POWERS THAT CAN CHANGE THE ENTERTAINMENT INDUSTRY AND ALL THAT IS HOLY AS WE KNOW IT.

Tom, if you’re reading this, I’d really like it if you put your ~magic~ towards getting Lisa Wilkinson nominated for the 2018 Gold Logie, allowing Matty J to fall madly in love with someone deserving of his precious vulnerable heart, and for my car’s two missing hubcaps to be inexplicably replaced overnight.

Let me know if any of that’s an issue.

Cheers.

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