We hope you’re sitting down. Because Tiger Woods and his girlfriend have broken up. And the reason why is shocking – he cheated.
You might not like to believe everything you read in the tabloids. But you probably won’t have any problem believing this. Tiger Woods has broken up with his girlfriend of three years, Lindsey Vonn, because, according to reporters, he was caught cheating.
But don’t worry, it’s okay. You see, he wasn’t cheating because he is an unreliable heel, it was because of “stress relief”…
I somehow feel like these words have been written before. That this conversation has taken place before.
That these excuses have been used before.
Like that time when his marriage erupted and his wife and children left him because he was caught sleeping with 121 women.
That’s right – 121 women.
Once again, we see the headlines: “Tiger Woods cheating scandal.”
It’s, once again, splashed all over the tabloids.
But this time, it’s not a scandal framed in sympathy to the cheated-on. But a scandal drenched in sympathy for the cheater.
Because the guy can’t help it.
The “facts” as reported by The Daily Mail are this: Tiger did the deed with a “nameless, faceless” woman while he was on tour.
Lindsay Vonn announced the couple had split last week due to “incredibly hectic lives that force us to spend a majority of our time apart.”
It has been reported that he was spotted out and about with this “faceless” woman and confessed all to his partner.
The Daily Mail quotes a friend who excuses the behaviour with a great big dirty justification.
He can’t help himself.
“You have to understand, while it’s not right, it’s not really wrong either.” This “source” says.
“Tiger isn’t married. He doesn’t really drink or do drugs. So what else does he have when he can’t afford to lose again? He is allowed to find some relief.”
“Most men would drink over such losses. Tiger has sex over it. Usually with local hookers whom he pays exorbitant amounts to, probably so they will want repeat business and won’t tell.”
“When Tiger realised he was seen, he became concerned and eventually he decided to confess to Lindsey. Something he didn’t do with Elin. He came clean and I give him credit for that.”
And it goes on:
“Yes, Tiger cheated again. But it wasn’t with anyone special. He really wanted Lindsey to be the one. But he blew it again. He can’t help himself. He’s got an addiction. He relapsed,” says the friend.”
“Knowing Tiger, he doesn’t even see it as cheating because there’s no romance or feeling there. It’s just a stress reliever, like a high-ball or two after a bad day.'”
What a crock!
Stress relief is playing tennis or going for a jog. Stress relief is eating chocolate or drinking a glass of sauv blanc. Stress relief is squeezing on those squishy balls till they pop.
Stress relief is cuddling your kids or talking to your partner.
Its not f**king some “nameless, faceless” woman when you have a committed partner elsewhere.