To the other adults in the room this is fine.
A grown man looms behind my three-year-old daughter. Occasionally he will poke or tickle her and she responds by shrinking. Smaller and smaller with each unwanted advance. I imagine her trying to become slight enough to slip out of her booster seat and slide under the table.
When my mother views this scene, she sees playful taunting. A grandfather engaging with his granddaughter.
“Mae.” My tone cuts through the din of a familiar family gathering together. She does not look at me.
“Mae.” I start again. “You can tell him ‘no’, Mae. If this isn’t okay you could say something like, ‘Papa, please back up — I would like some space for my body.’”
As I say the words, my step-father, the bulldog, leans in a little closer, hovering just above her head. His tenebrous grin taunts me as my daughter accordions her 13 kilogram frame hoping to escape his tickles and hot breath.
I repeat myself with a little more force. She finally peeks up at me.
“Mama… can you say it?” Surprise. A three-year-old-girl doesn’t feel comfortable defending herself against a grown man. A man that has stated he loves and cares for her over and over again, and yet, stands here showing zero concern for her wishes about her own body. I ready myself for battle.
“Papa! Please back up! Mae would like some space for her body.” My voice is firm but cheerful. He does not move.
“Papa. I should not have to ask you twice. Please back up. Mae is uncomfortable.”
“Oh, relax,” he says, ruffling her wispy blonde hair. The patriarchy stands, patronising me in my own damn kitchen. “We’re just playin’.”
Top Comments
This is a fantastic story and one I hope many people learn by.
Patriarchy has always been toxic to women and now finally, some women are pushing back.
Some women however - I call them "patriarchal women", allow bad behavior and comments to continue in the home and workplace.........even in the media.
Their "reward" for being "good girls" is what ?
Money ? Protection? Being allowed to have a bit of a voice?
Sadly it's all around us and it's acceptability has to come to an end.
Love Love Love this woman and her strength, both in the situation and by sharing what was likely only one story among many. I'm sorry to say that my own mother, who left the man who was sexually abusing me as a child, would also look the other way when family and friends got too close or teased too much for my comfort. I was called sensitive, as a negative. It wasn't until many years and hours of therapy later that I came to understand that sensitivity was the only defense mechanism I knew. I didn't know how to stand up for myself, because I didn't have an example of how it was done. All I knew how to do was endure until I broke down. As a child I was already learning that cycle. We've needed this message for a very long time.