In case you missed it (and therefore have better things to do than spend your weeknights with your head in your phone), this week was Virgin Australia’s Melbourne Fashion Festival.
It’s a crazy week of clothes and photographers and Instagram, where the best and shiniest and most fabulous designers showcase the very clothes that come winter, will be inside your closet.
There’s no doubt, it’s one of the best creative celebrations Melbourne has.
But, well, it’s also one of those places where you couldn’t possibly get away with half the sh*t you pull if you were anywhere else, around anyone else.
Taking photos of yourself all night long, baby
Let me introduce you to exhibit A), also known as the time me and my colleague Michelle fell in deep love with ourselves and “tested” the light on photos of each other before snapping the public.
(The light was probably tested well enough after photo shoot round one. By the time we got to photo shoot 37, there was no light left to test because we had accidentally sailed into the night without looking at anything other than the photos we'd taken of ourselves for three hours straight.)
This would be desperately embarrassing if... actually, no, it's just embarrassing. And mildly narcissistic, buuuuuut you know. Stockholm syndrome. Everyone was doing it.
You could wear a raincoat and sport socks and people would think you're fashion
I think my favourite part about Fashion Week is that even though everyone looks like they know what they're doing, no one person is the arbitrator of all that is good and stylish.
Sure, you may truly turn up in sports socks and that may not exaaaaactly be someone else's cup of tea, but they can't say you're necessarily unfashionable. Because it's fashion. By definition, if you're wearing clothes, you're wearing fashion.
We wear exercise clothes all weekend and sometimes even to work. Have we reached peak activewear? The Mamamia Out Loud team discuss.
Walk like a wanker
There's a funny thing that happens when everyone is walking into Fashion Week. They walk like they're on the actual catwalk. I first noticed this when my colleague Michelle threw her shoulders back a little as we walked in (I may have accidentally thrown her under the bus too many times in this article). And then I looked around me, and well, noticed all the cameras.
Smart people, I thought. My terrible posture would've been picked up by all of them.
Filming something rather than, you know, watching it
I have a confession to make. During the opening part of the opening night's show, I had steadied my phone, ready to catch the effervescent Jessica Gomes walking the runway. I took my video, tried different filters and had my head down for so long, I realised I had missed the first minute or two of the show, which included an entire performance by musician Vera Blue.
How did I know I missed it, you may ask? I saw it on Instagram later that night, of course.
I'm the worst. And a rookie.
But I'm not the only one.
It's a head in Instagram festival over on the runways. Some can multi-talk. I can't. Some can Fashion Week well. I'm not sure I can.