Teachers take to Reddit to explain the weird, unpredictable stuff that goes on behind closed doors.

It’s hard to consider the fact that teachers do actually have lives outside of work, and do actually talk about their students behind their back. But they do, we know this now.

But did you know they also spend a lot of their time in the staffroom playing match-maker to their students?

Teachers have taken to Reddit to explain the sh*t that goes on behind closed doors that students have absolutely no idea about.

And believe it or not, match-making is one of them.

One user, CobeySmith, said that teachers “secretly try to match kids up together,” in the weirdest kind of way to kill time at recess.

10 things you would only know if you are the child of a teacher. Post continues after video.

Perhaps even funnier, the dark depths of the staff room also plays host to a NFL trade-like draft, where teachers try desperately to palm off the students they don’t want in return for ones they do.

A user by the name of JaySavvy explains:

“In some places, before the school year starts, teachers will trade students like an NFL Draft. I’ll trade you Timmy and Butters for Kenny.”

However, for another user, the trade doesn’t just happen because of annoying students. It’s parents too.

“Sometimes we trade kids because we don’t like to deal with their parents,” they wrote.

It’s not just the staffroom that bears witness to teachers running just a little amuck, with one other user admitting after prom things get a little out of hand.

That's right. Your teachers go here. Image via iStock.

"After chaperoning Prom last year, half the social studies department went to a strip club, male and female teachers alike," bcal16 wrote.

And your report card? Probably just a concoction of a whole heap of lies masked in weird euphemisms because your teachers can't really call a student an asshole on their report.

"Teachers go to to great lengths to invent euphemisms for report cards. You think a kid is a pain in the ass, or stupid or lazy. You know parents won't accept that kind of language, so you improvise."

Another user, source_3, clarifies.

"Cody has been a pleasure to have in class. He has been eager to share his knowledge with classmates and enjoys taking a leadership role. As he moves on to middle school, a greater interest in reading may help develop Cody's critical thinking skills.

"Translation: Cody was an asshole. He spent the year spewing ignorance and we are all significantly dumber because of it. The dumbest of his classmates believe he is a god. He is graduating elementary school solely because our district doesn't buy into retention. He reads at a 2nd grade level despite countless hours of special education."

Well then. We might just be going back through our old reports to do some cross-checking...