Those of us with thick hair have heard it a million times from friends, hairdressers, and balding aunts.
“I’m soooo jealous that you have SO MUCH HAIR.”
But if they’d ever had to tackle these 22 problems — which only the thick-haired can ever truly understand — you can bet your frizz serum they’d count themselves lucky.
1. If you put your hair into a bun after washing, it takes a full 24 hours to dry.
2. … And when you let your hair dry naturally, it’s less “beach goddess” and more “giant triangle of frizz.”
3. Your husband/housemate/boyfriend always complains that your hair’s blocking the shower drain.
B*tchez please,you’ve got better things to worry about…
4. … Like the fact you’ve spent your life’s savings on hairspray, anti-frizz serum, hair thinning and other hair-taming services.
5. When you try to do Emma Bunton Baby Spice-style hair bunches, you end up looking like Princess Leia. But not in a sexy way.
Leading to these sort of looks when you leave the house:
6.Whenever someone complains about having a couple of split ends, you’re like “Babes. You don’t even know.”
7. When you walk into the hairdresser, he looks at you and says “Don’t worry, we’ll fix it.”
8. The sheer mass of your hair means you can’t buy dainty elastic hairbands — you need the real deal.
9. Whenever you get your hair cut, the hairdresser ALWAYS comments on how much hair you have, as if to say “well, this is going to be a lot of work”. Thanks, Captain Obvious.
10. Your head literally sweats from having to carry around all that hair. In summer you have a genuine body-heat/ventilation problem, involving extreme neck sweats.
11. You leave a trail of hair wherever you go.
12. You come home stinking of smoke when you go out because your thick hair absorbs everything.
13. Doing a braid in your own hair is genuinely a bicep workout.
14. All of your friends have gleefully suggested straightening your hair on one occasion, only to give up when they realise it’ll take 3 hours.
15. Travel-size conditioner is a joke. What is this, conditioner for ants? This needs to be at least 3 times bigger to cover all my hair.
16. Shampoo bottles also run out faster than conditioner. Why must they be same size?
17. When your hair knots, it generally seems easier to cut out giant clumps of your hair than attempt detangling that many strands.
18. You can’t have short hair because it sticks out at right angles because there is so much volume close to the scalp.
19. It takes 2 hours to blow dry your hair…
20. So you secretly use dry shampoo ALL THE TIME instead of washing…
21. And then you start looking vaguely grey with too much dandruff.
22. Bobby pins, regular brushes and flimsy plastic combs are too weak for your masses of hair. You need an industrial strength metal comb.
Share this post if you too are a thick haired beast. And then, thick haired friends, tell us, any others we’ve missed?
And some other thick-haired dames…
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