Earlier this year, Mamamia reader Nina Young lost her beautiful baby Zoe after an injury during her birth caused irreparable brain damage. Shorty after Zoe passed about, Nina wrote about the loss here.
Today we’d like to welcome Nina back to tell us how she’s doing.
By NINA YOUNG
When you go through a trauma, when the unexpected happens or when you lose a loved one; there are two questions you will immediately ask, and unfortunately they are the questions that will help you the least.
The first is: ‘why me?’
You will think it, you will voice it and in your darkest hours you might scream it at the top of your lungs.
You’re a good person, you live a good life, you’re kind and generous, so why did this happen to you?
When I lost my daughter I would sit down and watch the news and see neglectful and abusive parents. When I walked to the shops I would see parents clearly under the influence of drugs, pushing strollers containing perfect babies.
I asked everyday, why did this happen to me? Why was our baby taken from us when other less deserving parents got to keep theirs?
The truth is though, that that question will never have an answer. Bad things happen to good people, that’s a fact of life.
Asking why won’t help you; you weren’t chosen to carry this burden because of some karmic debt. Nothing you could have done would have stopped this happening and no amount of questioning will change the fact that it has.
Instead of asking why, ask what next? That is a question worth asking.
This terrible event has happened, how are you going to deal with it?
Take the time to grieve and feel your pain, make sure you have a good support system in place. But equally important, is to start thinking about the future, because you’re going to have one. Don’t get lost in ‘why me?’ make plans, set goals, start small but don’t give up.
The next question you will ask will probably be: ‘what if?’