Romance. It used to mean flowers and chocolates but that all changes when you have kids. Now your flowers are pulled out of vases to be used as swords and you have to hide alone in the laundry and scoff your chocolates.
But romance ain’t dead, baby. It just found in places you wouldn’t expect once you’ve had children.
Like the bathroom.
Forget love notes written in lipstick on the mirror, the romance I’m talking about involves shoving 205 Octonauts bath toys out of the way so you can both cram into a tiny cubicle together. It’s your only option for sexy times because the baby is asleep in your bed and the dog pissed on the ottoman. Nothing says I love you more than stale canine urine, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
"You might not have the time to be cutting out heart shaped cards, just draw a dick on the back of the shopping list. Love." Image via iStock.
People these days talk about love languages. You know, the idea that different people express their emotions in different ways. As a parent there is only one love language you need to know about. Sleep. Letting your partner have the weekend sleep-in is the ultimate way of expressing your love and if there's enough sleep in 'the bank' you might just be in with a chance for some *wink wink, nudge nudge*. After you move the Octonauts, of course. It's just weird getting frisky with Captain Barnacles staring back at you.