By NICKY CHAMP
Just when you think society is going along swimmingly – we’re getting closer to curing cancer and Richard Branson is making it possible for non-astronauts to visit space – along comes a factoid that simply Blows. Your. Mind.
Hand washing – we’re doing it wrong, you guys.
Only five percent of people wash their hands properly after visiting the bathroom. Just five percent. I hope you weren’t mid-sandwich.
Everyone’s got a public hygiene cautionary tale; that time the person making your lunch sneezed into their hands and carried right on making your chicken mayo on rye. Or maybe you caught a McDonald’s trainee playing with their ponytail right before shuffling your fries.
And in order to avoid confrontation you threw the food out, because their handiwork had made you, understandably, lose your appetite.
Well, I too have not been immune to the perils of the germy-handed among us. Just last weekend I found myself in an awkward situation, except this time I actually confronted the non-hand washer, here’s how that went down:
There I was at a parkside cafe, one would even describe it as upmarket, and after placing my order (skim latte, no sugar) I hovered around the coffee pick up area as one does at eight a.m. when there is not enough caffeine in the world to mask the fog of sleep deprivation.
That’s when I noticed a staff member emptying nearby garbage bins (stay with me, I promise it gets more exciting) as no one was stationed at the coffee machine I briefly thought “I hope the garbage bin emptyer isn’t the barista, that’d be a bit gross”. And much to my horror she was, and she went straight from touching and emptying the bins to making my coffee.
Call it “hell hath no fury like a sleep deprived mother” but had to say something. Especially at $4 a coffee.
Me (in increasingly sanctimonious voice): Um, did you wash your hands after emptying the garbage?
Barista: I er, ah, um, yeah I think I er, did.
Me: Really? Because I watched you and you didn’t.
Barista: Oh I thought I did. AND THEY JUST STAND THERE NOT MAKING ANY MOVE TO WASH HANDS.
Barista silently pours milk in the cup.
Me: No, don’t touch it. I’ll put my own lid on thanks.
Outraged crazy person (me) exits stage left.