Never in a million years did I think that I would be friends with a porn star.
And never in a million, billion years did I think I would be friends with a porn star who is also a prostitute and sex therapist. Talk about sexual multi-tasking.
My friendship with award-winning Aussie porn star Madison Missina is unlikely because my life – and sexual experiences – are the polar opposite of hers.
I’m a conservative, Christian mum from the suburbs, and I spend the majority of my time at home with my little kids. The people I encounter are usually other mums, tradespeople and the Coles delivery guy.
The chances of befriending a porn star in my cosy little life? Next to zero.
Madison has a bedroom tip for you. Listen here:
If you’re into numbers, try crunching these for me.
The other day, Madison told me that she’s had sex with around 12,000 people. And me? I’ve slept with one.
Madison lost her virginity at 15. I lost mine at 25, on my wedding night, to my husband.
So, where on earth could a porn star and a suburban mum strike up an unlikely friendship? In none other than the Mamamia Women’s Network podcast studio, of course.
Madison and I co-host the newest podcast from the Mamamia Podcast Network called The Prude and the Porn Star.
The most common question that people ask me about the podcast is: “What’s Madison really like?”
Well, she’s pretty normal, and actually, she’s a lot like me. For two women who have very different lives, we have a surprising number of things in common.
Madison and I are the same age, and around the same height. We’re both bubbly and chatty gals. We discovered that we have a mutual love for glitter, and we even have matching glitter-covered iPhones. We don’t like anyone taking our photo without our makeup on. We have a penchant for wearing fluffy, knee-high ugg boots in public. She knew about my pregnancy before many of my closest friends. And she’s confided some of her private thoughts on the sex industry to me.
We hit it off instantly from the moment we met. But as Madison put it, our lives have taken “different paths, babe.”
While Madison spent her teens and twenties merrily working her way up the “whore-rarchy” (her words) to become Australia’s number one porn star, I was converting to Christianity and attending Bible studies and church, while also staying home most nights to study for my two degrees. Oh yeah, and not having sex.
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Truthfully, I was terrified about meeting Madison for the first time. I imagined that she’d turn up to the MWN offices wearing a black patent leather corset thingy and spiky, scary boots, and then force me to watch porn while I cried. I’ve never seen porn before, unless you count any of “those” scenes in Game of Thrones.
Instead, I found that Madison was a completely normal and pleasant woman who just happens to love sex an awful lot. She’s incredibly respectful towards my sexual choices, and has never mocked me for being less sexual than her (although, pretty much everyone is less sexual than Madison). And I had to face the fact that I’d made huge assumptions about her, just because of her profession.
Prude and The Porn Star producer Monique Bowley with Carla GS and Madison.
Our friendship does have some limitations, though. For example, I can’t “follow” Madison on Instagram, because I don’t really want to see photos of her lingerie-clad boobies all the time. It’s okay, Madison’s breasts have enough fans out there – I’m sure they won’t be offended by my comment.
Like any relationship, my times with Madison are both good and…challenging.
The good moments are when Madison shares a handy sex tip, or challenges my understanding of sex and sexuality. She’s full of fun ideas and helpful advice that will reassure even the most sexually timid amongst us.
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There are other times, though, that Madison tells me things that are just so bizarre and disgusting, that I’ve tried to get fired from my podcast host role. Really, I wish I could un-hear some of her out-of-this-world sexual acts.
The time that Madison tried to teach me about anal sex was one of them. I purposely brought chocolate-iced donuts into the podcast studio, where food is banned, and shoved a whole donut in my mouth while we were recording. This was in a bid to a) get fired for eating in the podcast studio, and b) avoid talking about butt sex. Sadly, none of it worked, and now I know way too much about bum penetration.
I’ve learnt to deal with Madison’s strange sex stories with a good dose of humour. When she tells me that “water sports” is code for “playing with urine during sex”, or when she mentions the poo-based fetish of “brown showers”, I just laugh now. Once, I laughed so hard that I accidentally unplugged my headphones while we were recording a show.
But what truly amazes me about Madison is that she is accepting and sympathetic towards all sexual fetishes. She doesn’t find poo fetishes to be funny at all.
She believes that you can’t choose what turns you on. I believe that there’s nothing wrong with being hygienic and having some Dettol anti-bacterial wipes within reach, thank you very much.