I have had several people in my life whom I referred to as "the one who got away" at different points in my life.
One was a friend that I had grown up with and we were romantically involved but he abruptly had to move. The other was an ex-boyfriend that I remained close with long after our breakup.
In the back of my mind, I always wondered why things hadn’t worked out.
Watch: Mamamia Confessions: Relationship deal-breakers. Post continues below.
What if we had ended up living in the same city? What if our timing had been better? What if we had met when we were older? What if we gave it another try, would things be different?
For years these questions plagued my mind throughout every relationship and every breakup that I went through.
It wasn’t until several years ago that I finally realised I had to let go of the idea that there is someone out there that just got away and slipped through our grasp.
You need to let go of this idea for the sake of yourself and your future partners and here are the reasons why.
You aren’t reminding yourself of the negatives.
When I look back now on my relationship with "the one who got away" I ignored all of the red flags that were at the surface.
Every time we would start to get close he would push away. He would do sweet things such as send me flowers on my birthday, and then get upset because "he had never led me to think there was anything between us beyond the physical aspect."
At times he was my shoulder to cry on but only when it was convenient for him.
Yet year after year I chose to focus on the good because it kept the fantasy alive that he could someday come back into my life.
"We forget about the way he closed himself off, little by little, then all at once. We forget about the ways we became distant, and the ways our lives began to split into our own separate paths." - Thought Catalog.
There is a reason you aren’t together.
There was an ex that I kept in my life even though it had been years since we had initially dated.
I had friends that would express concern because we remained so close.
When things were rough he was there, when I didn’t feel like I was getting what I needed emotionally, he was there.
I held on the belief that we would end up back together until one day it finally hit me.