You might have seen the story in the news this morning. Emily Bramley, a 22-year-old stay-at-home mum from the UK, is already saving for her daughter’s future cosmetic surgery.
Her daughter is four months old.
You see, Emily’s a former “glamour model” (which is really just alternative wording for “model that poses for the camera with barely any clothes on”) and she’s hoping that her daughter, Maddie, will follow the same career path.
Emily told UK newspaper The Sun that she’s already put away £1,000 ($1,730) for her future surgeries.
Emily reportedly has various reasons for her decisions. She think that modelling will make Maddie more confident, provide her with lots of money and let her be comfortable.
She also believes that it was her own boob job that launched her modelling career.
And that’s why Maddie will presumably need similar work.
But she’s not limiting her daughter to just a boob job. “If a breast enlargement or bum implants are what she needs we can do that for her,” Emily told the paper. “I know Maddie will thank me for this when she’s older.”
Understandably, there are some who are seriously outraged about this decision. Because bum implants and a four-month-old are quite an incongruous and poor choice, really.
But we’ve decided to save the outrage for today and, instead, provide Emily with some alternative suggestions as to what she should spend that money on.
Plastic surgery varies wildly in cost between surgeons and processes but let’s say Emily is planning on saving about $12,000 – the average cost of a boob job.
Here are 13 other things she could use that money for, that are more worthwhile than plastic surgery.
1. An entire library full of quality books PLUS the shelves to hold them
An Expedit bookcase at IKEA is $89. Buy a bunch of them and you still have, like, 10 grand with which to buy the complete works of Charles Dickens, a whole lot of Jane Austen and George Elliot, some Encyclopaedia Brittanicas, The Catcher in the Rye, The Book Thief and hundreds of the other classics…
2. A damn good second-hand car for when she turns 18
She might even have a bit left over for petrol money/a good service/car insurance which is inevitably more exxy for those under the grand old age of 25.
3. A wedding
Maybe not a wedding with swans carved out of ice and doves that fly out of the wedding cake on command… but still a perfectly good wedding, at that.
4. A puppy and all the puppy’s vet bills
Because vets be expensive.
5. A really cool treehouse
Complete with built-in water slide, working lights and a fridge stocked full of Zooper Doopers.
6. A seriously large amount of Freddo Frogs
You can buy 2400 bags of Freddos with that money. Imagine that – a lifetime supply of Freddos. Or any other kind of her daughter’s favourite candy, for that matter. Bribery for all her growing-up years: Sorted.
7. Christmas and birthday presents for at least 60 years
If Emily spends about $100 on presents every Christmas and every birthday – which is generous, who else remembers the days of getting ONE stuffed toy for a birthday? – she is sorted. For a really long time.
8. A gap year for when she finishes high school
Because moving to Italy for a year to
eat pasta learn Italian and generally have a culturally fulfilling experience would be far more productive than a boob job, si?
9. A really great trip to Disneyland
If Emily would like to travel with Maddie, they could spend their 12 grand on a particularly excellent trip to Disneyland. They could stay in the overpriced Mickey-Mouse-themed hotels and spend ALL THE MONEY on equally overpriced buffet lunches.
10. A whole lot of fun classes
$12,000 = many, many semesters of gymnastics, ballet, swimming, Little Athletics, ribbon twirling… whatever little Maddie is into.
Most kids these days need braces. Much like vets, orthodontists also seem to be on a mission to get people to take out mortgages for the upkeep of teeth. Perhaps if Emily starts now, she won’t have a nervous breakdown when it’s time for Maddie to get her teeth fixed up.
12. A jetski
Because who doesn’t want a jetski. Really?
13. An education
Maybe-possibly the best investment you can make in your child’s life. Just sayin’.
What would you buy your kids if you had a spare $12,000 lying around?