*Warning: Please remember that this is supposed to be funny. Don’t actually try and follow the rules or you may die of alcohol poisoning. Enjoy alcohol in sensible quantities only and play this game in the spirit it is intended.
Today, you’ve done your bit for the future of this country. You’ve been to the local public school. You’ve filled in some boxes. You’ve bought your sausage. And now?
It’s time to drink.
Welcome to The MM Election Drinking Game. It’s the perfect accompaniment to tonight’s festivities which are, if we’re honest, are actually just rolling coverage of a bunch of uni students and retirees standing in community centres, counting numbers on pieces of paper. Yay! Democracy!
So, whether you’re at a bar, your friend’s election night party, on the couch with your bestie Antony Green for company or even just sitting along in your bed with a bottle of Jacob’s Creek (‘Straya), here’s how you play:
When someone describes today’s events as “democracy at work?”
Laugh. Think of Hawkie and skull your beer.
When the offspring of the Party Leaders come on screen?
Take a shot for each kid present… on their first appearance only.
Double shot for Marcus Rudd (cigar puff optional).
Triple shot for the missing in action daughter Louise Abbott.
When you hear the phrase “stop the boats”?
Sip your drink. (We don’t want to be held liable for any trips to the emergency room, now).
When a news anchor makes a live cross to someone who’s not ready/in front of the camera/even going to be interviewed on this network?
When you hear the phrase “the Australian people always get it right”?