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The Official Mamamia Election Night Drinking Game.

Just think: what would Hawke do?

 

*Warning: Please remember that this is supposed to be funny. Don’t actually try and follow the rules or you may die of alcohol poisoning. Enjoy alcohol in sensible quantities only and play this game in the spirit it is intended.

Today, you’ve done your bit for the future of this country. You’ve been to the local public school. You’ve filled in some boxes. You’ve bought your sausage. And now?

It’s time to drink.

Welcome to The MM Election Drinking Game. It’s the perfect accompaniment to tonight’s festivities which are, if we’re honest, are actually just rolling coverage of a bunch of uni students and retirees standing in community centres, counting numbers on pieces of paper. Yay! Democracy!

So, whether you’re at a bar, your friend’s election night party, on the couch with your bestie Antony Green for company or even just sitting along in your bed with a bottle of Jacob’s Creek (‘Straya), here’s how you play:

When someone describes today’s events as “democracy at work?”

Laugh. Think of Hawkie and skull your beer.

When the offspring of the Party Leaders come on screen?

Shot glasses at the ready.

Take a shot for each kid present… on their first appearance only.

Additional rules:

Double shot for Marcus Rudd (cigar puff optional).

Triple shot for the missing in action daughter Louise Abbott.

When you hear the phrase “stop the boats”?

Sip your drink. (We don’t want to be held liable for any trips to the emergency room, now).

When a news anchor makes a live cross to someone who’s not ready/in front of the camera/even going to be interviewed on this network?

Drink.

When you hear the phrase “the Australian people always get it right”?

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Drink enough to prove that such a level of trust in you is very foolish.

When they cut to Julia Gillard’s misogyny speech and speculate about what she might be doing?

Toast, salute and drink.

When they cut to a Kitchen Cabinet appearance by one of the pollies?

Pass the nibbles around. Comment on Annabel Crabb’s fabulous jewelry. And drink.

When they cut to one of Antony Green’s crazy computer graphics?

Oh, Antony.

Sip your drink.

Additional rules:

Extra sip if it’s the chamber graphic.

Extra sip if it’s on a touchscreen a la the 2012 ACT election.

Finish your drink if, even after watching Antony’s in depth explanation, you still have no clue as to what that pretty picture meant.

When a seat changes hands unexpectedly?

Drink.

When an independent gets up?

Drink.

When that independent is Nick Xenophon?

Drink Ouzo.

When Wyatt Roy walks onto screen?

Drink a vodka cruiser.

And when we finally have a winner? 

FINISH YOUR DRINK! (Note: in the case of a hung parliament, this requirement may be postponed until the day that the new parliament are sworn in by the Governor General, or performed immediately at double the alcohol content.)

Did we miss anything? What are the election drinking game rules at your house?

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