By ROSIE WATERLAND
Mark Zuckerberg can say all he likes about ‘social networking’ and ‘user engagement’. I think we’ve all figured out by now that Facebook was exclusively designed as an inadequacy-inducing WEBSITE OF LIES.
Have you ever seen anyone post a photo from when they first woke up? How about when they’re having toast for dinner? Or when they’ve just gone through a massive break-up? Or been fired?
Of course not.
Facebook is like an online life resume. It’s a place where we can show everybody we know just how well we’re doing, what we’ve achieved and the skills we’ve acquired. And just like nobody would ever hand in a crappy resume when looking for a job, nobody ever puts anything but the most polished version of themselves online. On Facebook, everybody is AWESOME at life. And they’ve got the carefully edited resmue to prove it.
Especially when it comes to the photos. Facebook photos have become ridiculous. They either induce eye-rolling rage or crying-level jealousy. There is no in-between anymore.
Here are the six facebook photos that need stop. Now.
1. Exercise Route Photos (or ‘I can run further than you’ photos):
We get it. You ran today. Well done. But guess what? So did I. And I have a fancy app that tells me how far I went too – it’s just that I don’t POST THE PICTURES ON FACEBOOK. And as if you do this every day. I’d like to see how impressive that pink line looks when it spends 4 hours going between your bed and your fridge.
2. Feet With An Awesome View Photos (or ‘I’m on holiday and you are not’ photos):
You know what the view from my bedroom window is right now? This:
So every time I see someone’s bloody feet in another exotic bloody location, it makes me want to do this:
3. PDA Photos (or ‘My relationship is more romantic than yours’ photos):
Public Display of Affection photos incite a ridiculous amount of rage within me. AND IT’S NOT BECAUSE I’M JEALOUS IT’S BECAUSE I THINK YOU’RE LAME NOW LEAVE ME ALONE I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT JUST GET OUT OF MY COMPUTER.