I wish I didn’t have to tell you this, but…
… it’s bloody bedroom week again.
I know. I know. I didn’t think it was possible, yet apparently, it is. Another week of choosing bed-heads and doona covers and throw cushions and ugh please end it all now. The producers didn’t even show us Scott Cam’s 10-second countdown because all the contestants finished with ample time due to bedroom week being a complete joke.
The poor Channel Nine team was so starved for content they began showing us stuff about next week. Yep – half the episode was concerned with Ronnie and Georgia’s stupid pool for next week’s backyard week.
To recap: Ronnie and Georgia are renovating the middle house. They want to put a big arse pool in their garden because rich people like to reflect on their sizeable wealth while gazing at bodies of water.
To do this, they need old mates (Sarah and Jason, Clint and Hannah) to allow them access to their backyards to get aforementioned huge receptacle in. This, they say, will take four hours. Sarah and Jason, and Clint and Hannah (and literally anyone with a pulse) know it will take much, much longer than that. For this reason, they want Ronnie and Georgia to cough up a sizeable number of dubloons for the inconvenience.
Georgia cries, and insists they wouldn’t ask for money if the shoe was on the other foot. Nobody believes her. Not even Ronnie.
Here are the rooms from worst to best this week…
Clint and Hannah: 25/30
Clint and Hannah had issues “balancing” their room between their huge floral wallpaper and giant flat-pack wardrobe.
For this reason, Neil Whittaker said he didn’t feel ‘welcome’. The judges agreed, solemnly nodding: “the little faults disconnect us emotionally.”
How… hyperbolic of them.
Click through to see Clint and Hannah’s bedroom…
Sticks and Wombat: 28/30
The only notable thing about this bedroom is that it has a TV in the ceiling… which is honestly the perfect example of something a husband would pay thousands of dollars for and use for a single week, only for his wife to spend the rest of her days asking “but why?” with a mixture of confusion and resentment.
It’s just… unnecessary. And feeble. And doesn’t, you know, look good.
Regular TVs are JUST FINE on walls. We do not need mini TVs to come down from the bloody ceiling.
Click through to see Sticks and Wombat’s bedroom…
Sarah and Jason: 28.5/30
Judge Darren Palmer said “it’s a luscious artwork, it’s a luscious palette, and it’s just a really luscious room”, before licking Sarah and Jason’s floors and walls all over.
Those comments were followed by the judges’ agreement that “Sarah and Jason really wanted to do the right thing by the house”. I’m wondering if anyone is planning on telling the judges that these houses are inanimate objects who don’t need to be ‘done well by’ at all.
You know, because they’re just… houses… ???
Click through to see Sarah and Jason’s bedroom…
Ronnie and Georgia: 30/30
Their room was described as “opulent”.
I have nothing more to say. They nailed it. I hear that when you’ve renovated approximately 1267 bedrooms, that tends to happen.
Click through to see Ronnie and Georgia’s bedroom…
Elyse and Josh: 30/30
See above. Only Elyse and Josh could make a colour palette of vomit yellow, tangerine, green, teal and storm grey look good.
Click through to see Elyse and Josh’s bedroom…
Which room was your favourite? Let us know in the comments…