By ROSIE WATERLAND
Obviously we open with the standard shot of Tim on the beach contamplating life.
Cut to the house (we’ve switched to Wednesdays so these’s no time to mess around). We arrive just in time to see one of the girls explaining how love works: “If he doesn’t see you, if he doesn’t hear you, he WILL forget about you.” WORD.
Penny is becoming very close to Ali-level crazy. Is convinced all she needs is one chance with Tim “to hook it in.”
Ali gets the one on one date. Penny cries at the injustice of not getting to try her hook-related sex trick that would have certainly garnered an immediate marriage proposal.
Twenty minutes of solid Ali air-time is almost more than I can handle. Obviously, she kicks things off with a gem: “Tim makes me feel unlike anything I’ve ever felt before.” This is before the date has even started so she must be, like, seriously in love if she knows she feels that way after only having met him twice. THIS IS THE REAL THING, YOU GUYS. Clearly she knows so much about him because she’s been watching him sleep for weeks and has interrogated all his primary school teachers.
We’re at a race track. Osher tells Ali that Tim is a talented race-car driver and he’s going to take her for a few laps. But guess what? Tim is actually being super brave by waiting on the side of the road and sending in a professional driver! And the driver’s wearing a helmet so Ali won’t be able to tell! Sneaky Bachelor!