1. I really need to go the gym. Sam’s body would make a Greek God weep. How the hell is my medium sized beer gut supposed to compete with a dude that could literally grate food on his abs?
2. Sam, please tone down your date locations. Do you really have to drink champagne in a hot air balloon? All I can manage is a ‘romantic’ trip to the local Thai restaurant.
3. Stop giving girls roses! Those flowers are expensive as all hell. Can you just grab some dandelions or a sprig of wattle from your neighbours front yard, Sam? The girls don’t care about the flowers anyway, they just wanna be in the next episode. Oh, and fall in love. Can’t forget that one ;)
4. Do I need to up my drinking game? Is that what means to be a super bachie man? Sam is constantly drinking with a group of hot girls. I’d be asleep on the couch after two glasses of wine. Osher would have to wake me up for the Rose Ceremony.
5. Why is Sam having emotional breakdowns when you get to choose between some insanely beautiful and interesting women? They’re all stunning and they drink wine! Dude, all those girls are awesome. During the Rose Ceremony you could seriously wear a blindfold, spin around and point at one of the girls and live happily ever after. Even if you pointed at Osher, I reckon you’d be pretty happy.
6. What’s the deal with Sam getting grilled about “taking Snezana/Lana away from their families”??? People move to a new city every day. Some move for love. Some move for opportunity. Some move because their family members appear to be crazy. Sam’s not taking these women to an alien slave colony on Pluto. Just use Skype if you want to talk to someone. Geez.
7. Sam loves kissing girls. Isn’t he afraid of getting cooties or glandular fever? Also, I thought it was kind of weird how the girls in the house would talk about how long they kissed him. Nina and Sam’s kiss apparently broke records… in bad taste!!! Kidding (sort of). I don’t know. I’d be worried about picking up some freaky disease and then I’d insist that the girls wipe their faces with baby wipes BEFORE we go on a group date.
8. How come when I get home and tell my wife that I couldn’t get a parking spot at work she doesn’t care, but when an identical girl gets eliminated from a reality/game show she gasps as if she’s in horror movie? Life’s not fair when The Bachelor is on.
9. Maybe the choice between the final two is harder than I first thought. Lana can speak two languages. Snezana is an awesome mother. Decisions…