I can’t think of a single profound thing my parents said. They were (and still are) bloody awesome parents but they showed love through their actions, not words. So I can’t remember any huge life lessons from my parents but I certainly remember plenty of the annoying things they used to say.
1. Don’t tread on your lip. How to crush a five year old’s soul in five words. This line used to completely infuriate me. As a kid, I could do great ‘sad face’, complete with hunched shoulders, downcast face and major bottom lip protrusion. And if I tried really hard, I could squeeze out tears too. It was emotional blackmail, not that I knew the term for it. But my parents did. So, with barely repressed giggles, they would tell me not to tread on my lip. It killed me.
2. Bread and Pullit. Have you heard of this delicious dish? It’s what my mum used to threaten to serve up for dinner on a regular basis. I don’t like surprises. I like anticipation. I love to look forward to things. Even small things, like what I’m having for dinner. I’ve been that way since I was a kid. About 7:30 every morning, I would ask mum what we were having for dinner that night. It’s only now that I’m the chief cook in my own household that I realise how completely annoying this question really is. Thinking of what to cook is harder than actually cooking it. Mum’s typical response was ‘We’re having breadandpullit’. For ages, I thought this was some exotic French meal; pullit sounds a lot like poulet, right. After a while I realised it was code for ‘Don’t ask or you’ll get nothing!’
3. Offer it up. The scenario would be this. I would ask mum or dad for a biscuit/barbie doll/bike (not everything started with ‘b’) and they would say ‘No’. And I would whinge. And they would say ‘Offer it up’. WTF?? I didn’t get it then, and I still don’t. Offer it up. Up to who? Offer what? I now think it’s something to do with sacrificing your desires for God or something similarly nonsensical to the 8 year old me, and come to think of it, the 35 year old me doesn’t get it either. Would God really have minded if I got a chocolate bickie? He would have been happy, I reckon.