There are three things I know to be true:
The sun sets.
Water is wet.
And New Years Eve is – and always will be – shit.
There is nothing that ruins fun quite like the pressure to have fun. Purposeful celebration is a (subtle) form of torture.
Even the movie New Year's Eve was a letdown.
"Let's celebrate!" is akin to saying "Everyone! Enjoy yourself! Have fun, no seriously have more fun. Fun is mandatory - DO IT BETTER." There are simply too many instructions, and we end up feeling dissatisfied and guilty that we didn't adequately fulfil our obligation to 'fun'.
Although Instagram will have us believe every person in the world is having a far, FAR better New Years Eve than us, what with their champagne, bronzed skin, 92 friends, and yacht worth more than I'll earn in a lifetime - that might not be entirely the case.
Here are some stories to make you feel better about your frankly shit New Years.
My own: The hair incident
You know how sometimes it feels as though life is joking? When things go so wrong it's almost funny? And you think, 'Ah - I'm going to make a mental note of this for the book I plan to write one day'?
Yes, well, last New Years Eve was not one of those times. There was nothing funny about it.
I was looking forward to going out on a boat on Sydney Harbour, and letting my hair down.
HAIR. This is a hint. (Post continues after gallery.)
So, on the 31st of December I thought I'd 'treat ma self' and get my hair coloured.
I went to the salon I always go to, but for some reason this day I had a different hairdresser. She appeared nervous. I'm pretty sure at one point she called on another hairdresser for help. There is a significant possibility this woman was not employed by the salon and, I don't know, just gave it a go. When it came to shampooing, it felt as though she was trying to erase whatever she had just done and I sensed the panic in her fingertips.
I was then taken back to my chair and was confronted with what had just happened. In a completely #firstworldproblems sense, I was traumatised. My roots were now a highlighter orange/yellow. Yet the rest of my hair, which had formerly been blonde, was now grey. It was like balayage, except an ACCIDENT, and hands-down the worst thing I have ever seen.