There are three things I know to be true:
The sun sets.
Water is wet.
And New Years Eve is – and always will be – shit.
There is nothing that ruins fun quite like the pressure to have fun. Purposeful celebration is a (subtle) form of torture.
Even the movie New Year's Eve was a letdown.
"Let's celebrate!" is akin to saying "Everyone! Enjoy yourself! Have fun, no seriously have more fun. Fun is mandatory - DO IT BETTER." There are simply too many instructions, and we end up feeling dissatisfied and guilty that we didn't adequately fulfil our obligation to 'fun'.
Although Instagram will have us believe every person in the world is having a far, FAR better New Years Eve than us, what with their champagne, bronzed skin, 92 friends, and yacht worth more than I'll earn in a lifetime - that might not be entirely the case.
Here are some stories to make you feel better about your frankly shit New Years.
My own: The hair incident
You know how sometimes it feels as though life is joking? When things go so wrong it's almost funny? And you think, 'Ah - I'm going to make a mental note of this for the book I plan to write one day'?
Yes, well, last New Years Eve was not one of those times. There was nothing funny about it.
I was looking forward to going out on a boat on Sydney Harbour, and letting my hair down.
HAIR. This is a hint. (Post continues after gallery.)