real life

When is it okay to tell The Ex you're dating someone new?

Picture this, you’re sitting at dinner with a table full of your closest friends. One has just been through a messy break up but has moved through the ‘Bridget Jones ice-cream on couch’ stage and is now at the ‘ready to go out and party’ stage.

Said new single friend pipes up and lets us know The Ex called, just to flag that he’s dating someone else.

You fight the urge to drive around to The Ex’s place and scream STOP CONTACTING MY FRIEND and instead pour another wine.

Half the table fires up and says block him from all socials, immediately. The other half argue it’s nice that you heard the news from the horse’s mouth.

Is it appropriate to call The Ex and tell them you’ve moved on? There are two trains of thought on this and it seems KIDS play a major part in this conundrum.

Why it’s not OK to buzz The Ex and rub it in their face that you’re happy and have moved on.

Kasey says, “None of their business. For whatever reason, the relationship ended and if you’ve moved on and are ready for a new relationship you don’t need to explain yourself to anyone.”

It’s so true, you need closure to move on and reshape your life without them in it. It could be considered cruel to ring an ex and brag that you’re happy, without them.

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For Mick, it was more of a mental game. “Have nothing to do with them whatsoever, doing that only proves your ex is still renting your headspace,” he says.

Brenton thinks the definition of moving on is just that, to cut ties. However, children are the gamechanger.


“If children are involved then yes the other parent should be advised,” he says. “Only because the other parent may have concerns about who is around the children. I just hope the parent who is dating makes the right judgement call not to put the kids at risk.”

Why it’s polite to flag that you’ve moved on, so The Ex hears the news from you.

Flick reckons if it was a “mutual breakup and you are still connected in some way, it’s respectful to give them a heads up.”

Time is a factor too, says Melanie. “If you were together for a long time and have kids together – yes as both parents deserve to know who is around the kids. Whether you like it or not, they were at some point a part of your life.”

We live in a world of social media, Gaby says it’s polite to give “someone who you cared about the heads up that they will see pictures of you and someone else. Don’t let them hear it from someone else. It takes strength to make that call. Do it, it’s good karma.”

Would you tell your Ex you’ve moved on? We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.

Osher Gunsberg has some advice for a girl who keeps falling for the same crappy guys.


If you need more relationship and dating advice, then we have you covered: 

Kristen Henry is one half of The Kristen and Wilko Show on MIX 106.3 in Canberra. Follow her adventures at or follow her on Facebook.