Hey, are you a crazy cat lady? Right on. Same.
(Proof: I once took in a stray cat and bought it luxe cat food, toys, a bed, kitty litter, and a collar some three hours after it arrived at my doorstep. In true jerk cat style, it left a few weeks later – but not before leaving a giant dead pigeon in my dining room. It was all a bit disturbing, but I ain’t mad.)
Are you really into Googling cat costumes? Great. Do you spend more money on your cat’s dinner than your own? Awesome. Do you find yourself begging your cat to love you as it throws a deadpan stare in your direction with a bitchy flick of its tail? Yeah, spot on, girl! You’re a crazy cat lady.
You might therefore be interested to know that ‘rock bottom’ for us feline-fancying-folk has a nice new look to it, thanks to the kind folks at Apollo Peak. Why? Those evil geniuses have taken it way too freakin’ far and have created the world’s first cat wine.
Wine for your CAT.
So the basic premise of this genius/ seriously depressing concept is that rather than being forced to share a wine on Friday afternoon with like, you know, a human; you can enjoy a tipple with your kitty instead.
The wine comes in two types, ‘Pinot Meow’ and ‘MosCATó’ (hnnnnghhhh) and is made with catnip and beetroot juice. It comes in cute little 45g bottles, and will set you back $5.00 USD.
Why you shouldn’t hug your cat. (Post continues after video)
But perhaps most depressing is the product description on the Apollo Peak website, which basically shames every single female cat owner in the world.
“Why Drink Alone?!” they ask.
“We have labored intensively to develop a non-alcoholic, catnip-based wine just for your furry feline friends. We promise it will entice your cat beyond excitement.”
I would probably advise against the cat wine, folks.
Most of us are convinced our cats hate us anyway, and we all know how those paranoias play out of a few drinks.
You: “Stopping looking at me like that, cat.”
You: “Do you know what? You’re a bad drinker. You always have been.”
You: *Sobbing* “I just can’t get through to you anymore, it’s like you would be happier if I was just DEAD.”
You: Stares back.
You: Runs towards door.
On an unrelated note, searching Instagram under the hashtag #drunkcats has bought me more happiness than I can put into words.
Go on, give yourself five minutes of pure, unadulterated happiness, and check out Drunk Cats Of Instagram.
Aaaand I reckon that’s enough Internet for today.