I had an interview this morning. It was different from other interviews I’ve had. The woman conducting it was a new mum.
She kept repeating throughout that I was an inspiration to her. That my candour and honesty has supported her through some troublesome times.
While her words made my heart flushed, I couldn’t help but think, “But you do know I’ve travelled to hell and back, right? That what you are seeing now is three years of deep internal meditation and cleansing and healing?”
Now on the other side, my life is ticking along quite nicely. My personal work is paying off and I’m finding my groove in being a mother. But while looking through old vacation photos when Phoenix was six months old, I remember so vividly the haze and heaviness I felt. Walking through the motions, not really knowing who I wanted to be, losing my drive to fight for anything on the career front, begging for some moments when I felt “normal” and just hoping to survive. I physically couldn’t see straight.