We’ve all been there.
There is nothing more exhilarating than a weekend trip to IKEA with your significant other in tow. Here are seven ways to survive the chaos of your Scandinavian shopping trip and emerge with your relationship still intact.
1. The Early Bird Catches the Werna
If you want your relationship to emerge unscathed from a trip to IKEA, one of the most crucial aspects is timing. Only the strongest relationships can survive a Saturday afternoon trip to IKEA, so you need to think carefully about the timing of your visit.
All the experts agree: you need to leave early. Don’t get up and make yourself a Nespresso. Don’t meander down to your local patisserie for a pain au chocolat. Don’t even shower. Leave. LEAVE NOW. Before it’s too late.
2. Plan Your Purchases With Military Precision
IKEA is a high-stress environment. It’s confusing, overwhelming, chaotic. You know your house will never look like that but you gleefully participate in the lie anyway, stuffing your trolley with mismatching throw cushions and toilet roll holders.
You spot some funky thingamabob in a display and spend 45 minutes wandering around in confused circles, trying to locate the stock. You eventually stumble upon a bank of search terminals, only to realise you’ve forgotten what the bloody thing is called.
Honey, what was that funky thingamabob called? The red thing with the things? You know the one…
Fagelsta? Flackig? Fjalkinge? Forbluffad? @$#% it!
Alternatively, you find yourself staring at a wall full of wall clocks for 45 minutes. Paralysed by the plethora of choice, you give up and walk away empty-handed, plagued by the shame of your indecision.
The key to success in IKEA is to do your research beforehand. Know your enemy. Have a hit-list. In-and-out. Clinical.
However, the best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray and – like a mouse lost in a stylish maze of Swedish design – you’re inevitably going to go and spend $300 on a trolley full of stuff you don’t need. Minus the wall clock you actually do need.
3. Prepare for Disappointment
Have a plan, but prepare for disappointment.
Some things in life are inevitable: death, taxes and IKEA being out of stock of the ONE thing you really wanted.
You just travelled 50 frigging kilometres to be here and you’ll be damned if you’re going home empty-handed. You overcompensate for this disappointment by spending $300 on a trolley full of stuff you don’t need.
4. Let It Go. It’s the Scandinavian Way.