'My 52-year-old mum and my sister-in-law birthed my boys 5 weeks apart.'

Friends since high school, Michelle Harley and her husband Jono fell in love gradually over several years.

"I always enjoyed chatting to him," Michelle tells Mamamia.

"But when Jono returned to Wollongong after finishing university in 2013, I ran into him at a local cafe and surprised myself at noticing his good looks!"

The couple soon moved in together and Jono proposed over a home-cooked meal and a unique piece of pottery made by a friend.

"We were supposed to be going out to a fancy restaurant and then at the last minute, Jono said he was cooking for me at home. As we sat down to eat our gnocchi, I saw the plate had lettering on it and it read 'Will you marry me?' I said yes!"

Watch: Tanya Hennessy shares her fertility struggles. Post continues below.

While Michelle and Jono hoped one day to start a family, Michelle knew her complex fertility issues might make it tricky. 

"When I got my first period in high school, it came with extreme pain and then every time I had my period for years, I was in the foetal position or rocking from side to side on all fours as if I was in labour. 

"Doctors initially diagnosed me with endometriosis and I had two surgeries to cut it out. But it wasn't until one of the endo excisions that I was also diagnosed with a unicornuate uterus — meaning I only have half a uterus, with one ovary and fallopian tube instead of two. I knew that would make having a baby even more challenging." 

In 2019, Jono and Michelle got married and followed the recommended advice to try to 'conceive naturally' for a year before seeking help.

"I would use those ovulation sticks to see when I was fertile each month but never had a positive reading. After 12 months we booked in for our first round of IVF where we only retrieved two eggs that created just one embryo. Sadly, that first embryo didn't stick."

Jono and Michelle. Image: Supplied.

On a second round of IVF using different medications, doctors retrieved nine eggs that resulted in eight embryos. 

"The first one stuck and while we were thrilled, I felt very cautious from the start. I knew with half a uterus that carrying a child to term would be difficult so when I started bleeding at five weeks, I didn't know if it was implantation bleeding or I had miscarried. I had a scan, and it showed that all was well but I continued to bleed heavily for weeks."

After a very challenging and stressful pregnancy, Michelle's waters broke when she was just 19 weeks. Baby Ralph did not survive.

"We grieved for our son but because of complications with bleeding, I stayed in hospital for a full week. It meant we could spend time with Ralph next to us in a cold crib. We had volunteers come to take photos and hand and footprints and when it was time to say goodbye, they took him to a crematorium and we brought his ashes home."

After such a devastating experience, coupled with her unicornuate uterus, doctors recommended that Michelle not try to get pregnant again, leaving them with very few options.

"I've always been such an independent woman and to be told I couldn't do something was hard. I felt mentally like I wanted to do it but my body was letting me down. I kept thinking, 'Why can't I do this?'

"Before this happened, my mum had said she was happy to be my surrogate and as she was now 52, I knew we wouldn't have long to act."

Michelle's mum Jasmina tells Mamamia that after watching her daughter go through such trauma, offering to be her surrogate was an easy decision.

"I had known about surrogacy for years as I had seen something on TV about a woman in the US carrying her grandchild for her son," Jasmina says. 

"After Michelle miscarried and nearly lost her life, she said to me she was desperate to become a mother and even though the doctor strongly recommended she not try again she was determined to try again. This would mean her risking her life. I told my husband my idea of carrying our grandchild, and with his support, we offered my services as a surrogate to Michelle and Jono."

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Jono's sister Sophie, a mum of three also offered to be their surrogate alongside Jasmina. After careful consideration and time to recover and grieve, Jono and Michelle approached their IVF doctor with the plan.

"Surrogacy takes a lot of time and with my mum's age, and also Sophie's busy family life, we wanted to start as soon as possible," Michelle says.

"Jasmina and Sophie had medical checks first, then we all had to see counsellors and draw up the official surrogacy agreements with lawyers. Once that was done, we could go ahead with the first implantation.

"My IVF doctor was apprehensive to do two implantations at the same time because of the increased chance of poor maternal health with multiple babies. We had to prove to them we had a lot of family support and that I understood the implications. But when my mum and then Sophie became successfully pregnant just five weeks apart, none of us could believe it. The doctor was shocked!"

Michelle says that the five-week gap between implantations was to make sure that her mum wasn't carrying twins. After the dating confirmed baby number one was a successful single pregnancy, it was Sophie's turn to announce all was well with baby number two. 

"I was just so grateful for these two women who sacrificed so much for us to have a family. 

"Being pregnant takes a huge chunk of time out of your life. Sophie was working full time and had three young kids at the time while my mum was 52 and coping with body changes and gestational diabetes. I felt guilty and yet slightly jealous of their experience. I wanted to feel that first kick, and when I was setting up the nursery I had a moment where I was desperate to rub my pregnant belly, and yet I was just there in the room by myself. I felt upset about that but it was a huge gift that we were getting and really we just felt so lucky."

Grandma Jasmina says that while she never once doubted her decision, she did initially worry about explaining the pregnancy.

"I was nervous at how people would react, especially coming from a Macedonian background and having elderly parents. But once I explained that it was my daughter’s egg and son-in-law's sperm and their embryo, my parents and other people were supportive."

Grandma Jasmina with Michelle. Image: Supplied. 

When it came time for Jasmina to give birth to baby Hugo in December 2022, she was booked in for a c-section because of her age and associated risks. 

"I was so nervous about Mum going through major abdominal surgery but it all went so smoothly with, thankfully, no complications. Those first few nights in the hospital with Mum and Hugo were really lovely, it was a shared experience as I would hold him and burp him and we took turns."

Jasmina says that in the lead up she had some concerns about the birth.

"It was recommended that I have a caesarean which I was nervous about as I had given birth naturally with my children, but the obstetrician explained this was safer for me and Hugo given my age. 

"Recovery took about two weeks for the caesarean scar to heal and the first time the nurse got me to get up and get into the shower was so painful I nearly fainted. But Michelle was always there to help me through it."

Michelle had no expectations of either Sophie or Jasmina to breastfeed or express milk but Jasmina says that it wasn't until Hugo was born, did her ideas about feeding him shift. 

"At the beginning, I didn’t plan on expressing milk as I thought that Hugo would be formula-fed. But when my milk came in, I thought why not? There was lots of it and I didn't want to waste it. I expressed milk for Hugo until he was five months old."

Sophie's birth with baby Spencer in January was quite different but equally special. 

"Sophie had to be induced because Spencer's growth had slowed down and she was quite nervous about the pain because she had natural births with her three kids. She opted for an epidural and so the birth was just really calm. While she was pushing, the midwife asked if I wanted to help pull him out, and it was just so lovely. 

"We didn't know what we were having both times and so it was a surprise to meet our second son Spencer! Sophie decided to express milk for him too and again, while we had no expectations, she did it for four months."

Jono and Michelle with Hugo and Spencer. Image: Supplied.

Michelle says that becoming a mum to five-month-old Hugo and four-month-old Spencer has been a wonderful experience, but because of the expense involved, she knows that surrogacy isn't for everyone.

"We are so lucky, but our boys would probably have cost somewhere near $80,000 in medical, legal, and administrative fees. I understand why it is out of reach for many – even if they have surrogates ready to go – and that's disappointing.

"Even though I wasn't the one carrying my boys, I have felt like their mum from the very start. I just love them so very much."

Grandma Jasmina says that feels so grateful to have been able to help Jono and Michelle create their family.

"I feel so lucky to have not one, but two grandsons. They give us so much joy and I feel very lucky to have played such an important part in growing Hugo. 

"I would absolutely recommend becoming a surrogate to anyone thinking of doing it." 

Laura Jackel is Mamamia's Family Writer. For links to her articles, follow her on Instagram and TikTok.

Feature Image: Supplied.