There I was, twiddling my gay thumbs in gay peace, when a story about some new research came into my news feed.
It seems a woman named Rita Strakosha has self-published a ‘study‘ that links poor diet, poor sleep and city living to homosexuality.
Strakosha believes a few chicky nuggies, a long nap and a refurbished terrace can make anyone gay.
My first thought was to call Margaret Court and warn her. I reached for my phone but my hand cramped under the weight of my imaginary wedding ring.
Down but not defeated, I continued reading.
The 'study' begins by linking high calorie foods to those pesky gay Romans.
“Access to a high calorie diet and alcoholic drinks was limited to the social elite circles in the past. Homosexuality as well appears to have been more frequent among that group," she writes.
Food + booze + money = gay?
Even though I was very excited to learn I was secretly rich, I kept reading. Strakosha was just getting to the good parts.
Strakosha was about to hit me with some FACTS.