What’s the correct number? If they’ve slept with “too few” people, you’ll look at them as some kind of chaste prude; but if they’ve slept with a number you deem “too high,” something must be wrong with them.
In my short lifetime, I feel like we’ve made a lot of developments in regards to relationships, sex, and sexuality.
While homophobia is by no means a thing of the past, marriage equality is law in the United States and is becoming more normalized. Sex doesn’t immediately frighten us the way it used to. While most of our other social issues are still wildly out of control (see: racism,police brutality, transphobia, fatphobia, sizeism, classism, xenophobia, etc. etc. etc.), we’re slowly cultivating a society in which we’re capable of discussing these topics openly and free of judgment.
Though that isn’t perfect, it’s an important first step.
That being said, I’d like to open the floor to a discussion I think is long overdue, but somehow still manages to rear its ugly head in our casual conversation as well as our pop culture.
Can we please stop asking our partners how many people they’ve had sex with?
I’m trying to find a way to explain the importance of this without simply typing “It’s fucking 2016, c’mon already” over and over again.
Can we please stop asking our partners how many people they’ve had sex with?" Image from Istock.
Let’s take a moment to address the obvious sexist connotations that come with this idea. While disparaging someone based on their number of sexual partners is something I’ve definitely heard from men and women, this idea is heavily skewed towards degrading and slut shaming women.
Growing up as a cis dude among mostly straight cis dudes, I’ve heard a lot of men make comments about how sleeping with a woman who’s “been around” would lack any pleasure because she’d be “stretched out.” I’ve heard (and made, in my shittier days) a lot of bad jokes about sex with a woman being like “throwing a pencil into the Grand Canyon.”