By ROSIE WATERLAND
I’m pretty sure I’ve figured you out.
No biggie – it just came to me while I was in bed bulk-watching Season 1 of Orange is the New Black. I was sick and in that weird place where you have a temperature so you can’t decide if you need seven blankets or an ice-bath. Perfect epiphany conditions.
It was probably the worst day for me to get sick, as it meant I had to stay home alone. And I really, really didn’t want to be myself, because the day before I had done something silly. Something nobody who works online should do:
I Looked At Mean Things People Have Said About Me On The Internet.
Look, Life, you’ve done a lot of great things. Tina Fey is basically perfection.
But trolls? You made a major miss-step there, my friend. A major miss-step.
Now, I get that in the grand scheme of things, trolls are a pretty enviable problem to have. If you’re being trolled, it means you’re doing so well in whatever it is you’re doing that people you don’t even know are taking notice. I certainly don’t begrudge where I’m at in my career right now. In fact, I’m pretty darn stoked about it 99% of the time.
It’s just that pesky 1%, when I see that someone I’ve never met has called me a “F%$KING #$%^$ #$%^#, that I get a bit… sad. Eg:
Generally I don’t take notice of it, but the other day I fell down a hate-filled rabbit-hole and didn’t resurface for about three hours. It made me pretty darn depressed – a depression that then got worse when I was forced to stay home alone coughing myself into oblivion (again – thanks a lot).
You see Life, you’ve programmed me so that when I’m feeling crappy, I need to be around people. I need other people to help lift me up. But on this day – the day after I Looked At Mean Things People Have Said About Me On The Internet, you decided that I should be by myself. Which meant all the lifting up would have to fall to me.
I needed to figure something out, ASAP.
I decided to try out this new thing I invented, called a Boost Bank (well, I invented the name, but the concept’s been around for a while). Basically, a Boost Bank is a section of your brain devoted to remembering all the wonderful things anybody has ever said about you.