If you’re anything like me, a good decade or so of online shopping has taught you some very valuable lessons.
For starters, don’t buy anything off eBay. Ever.
(Not unless you are prepared to spend twice as much in repairs and dry cleaning, as well as an AVO against a guy named Brian who keeps calling you about a couch.)
Another one? Don’t buy anything that is less than $5. It’s either black market, or made from ground up walnut shells. That particularly applies to super cheap online makeup: you WILL get a strange rash.
Actually, the more you think about it, there are actually quite a few things you would never consider buying online – and this amazing Reddit thread has them nailed.
1. BRAS AND KNICKERS
Look, even if you look like Adriana Lima and have bought squillions of pairs of underwear in your life; I can promise you that you will still find an online store with overtly laissez-faire approach to sizing.
As this particular Reddit user has highlighted this issue with but a single word: QUADBOOB.
Mia's collaboration with South Of The Border. (Post continues after video)
#2. PANTS FOR THE TALL, PANTS FOR THE SHORT
Okay, tall women, come at me. I hear you. Your pants are consistently capri, when all you want in life is for your ankles to be covered.
And yes, short ladies, I hear you too. You look like a double amputee in some jeans. (Is a pant still considered 'cuffed' when it's folded up to your knee?)
Hot tip: never, ever, buy your pants online.
Even for moderately-legged folks like myself, it just never works out. It's like there's some predisposed algorithm that prevents the jeans you've purchased online even coming close to being human length.
3. ANYTHING (REALLY, REALLY) EXPENSIVE
If your pending online purchase is so large that you have a guilty lump in your throat and have already googled 'early claiming of superannuation', then DO NOT BUY THIS THING ONLINE.
Furniture, expensive jewellery, cars, computers, telephones, and designer handbags all fall into this category. Get up. Go to the official store with the official salesperson and the official bag. Get that receipt, girl, because if anything goes wrong you just spent a lot of money.