Mother’s Day is now very different for me. In the past, the usual Mother’s Day morning consisted of an attempted sleep in, hearing the pulls of sticky tape and rustles in the kitchen as my daughter and husband prepared to greet me with a gift and a homemade card.
Hearing giggles as she cracked the eggs making me breakfast in bed and being woken by a duo calling out ‘Happy Mother’s Day!’
Come Sunday, I will wake in my apartment alone. My daughter will be at her dad’s; it’s his turn to have her over at his house this weekend. I will FaceTime her and unwrap my present in front of a screen.
This time last year I would have never imagined what was to come in the months ahead. Not in my wildest dreams.
Since my marriage ended suddenly, I have done this all alone. This year my daughter started school; I have done lunches, meetings, homework, uniforms, and making parent friends in a group of happily married couples. With little income, I have had to somehow come up with the money for rent, food on the table, clothes, her birthday party. The list goes on. I have done it all, not by choice and through no fault of my own.
But I did it. I’m doing it. It is something I never thought I would have to do. But here I am, every day, one foot in front of the other.
I doubt myself constantly, doubt my capability, doubt my patience, my strength, my resilience, and my ability to keep it together in the midst of all the chaos. But all I have to do is look at my little girl and see that despite my self-doubts, I am successfully raising my little girl as a single mother and she is thriving.
I remember the day my husband left; I sat in utter shock and fear, head in hands thinking how am I going to do this? I don’t know how to do this!
As parents, daily we sacrifice, we worry, we stress over finances, struggle to budget, try our best to keep it together, get anxious when life takes a turn, live on little sleep, have to be strong even when our world seems like it is falling apart. From the day our children are born, that is just what we do.