I’ve finally accepted that ‘Single White Mother’ is a term that refers to my current social status (while also a nod to one of the creepiest 90’s movies of all time). A status that up until now, I had a hard time saying out loud.
I’m not sure why. I was raised by a single mother myself and I turned out quite lovely. I guess I felt a bit of shame perhaps, and also a bit embarrassed that I had ultimately well, failed at the nuclear family gig. And lets face it, there is the smallest pinch of a stigma attached to the label of single mother.
Well, after laying low for a little while and having time to reflect I’ve decided that being a single mother isn’t so bad. In fact some of my favourite women are also single mothers: Pia Miller and Britney Spears (chose to ignore Britney’s meltdown of 2007). And if these fabulous women can do it and make it look good, then so can I dammit!
1. We become a boss at multitasking
I can be driving my car while doing the following: scheduling a doctors appointment, eating an apple, sipping my Maccas coffee, applying mascara, and doing pelvic floor and booty exercises simultaneously. I do it all while indicating to other drivers exactly what I think of their driving skills when they fail to use blinkers.
2. We can get ready in 20 minutes
Gone are the days when I could rely on another adult in the house to entertain the kids while I spent a couple of hours beautifying myself to perfection. I went to a ball recently and had shaved my legs, exfoliated, put my dress on, slapped on some make up with a good smoky eye and styled my hair - all in under 20 minutes flat. I was even spraying on fake tan and sculling a flute of champagne as I was flying down the stairs and out the door.
3. We are good friends
Alright, so I still suck at texting people back on time. But having been through the worst time of my life has made me a lot more empathetic and very qualified to be a shoulder to cry on or a friendly face to talk to. I also specialise in the art of insulting. Example: “Forget him darl, he had a head on him like a kicked in bickie tin” or “Yes, sweetie, your colleague sounds like they couldn’t organise a root in a brothel. There there.” Did I mention I always have a pack of Coles choice chip cookies and a bottle of wine to go?