Is your love for TV a preference or a problem? I always thought mine was a preference – so what if I would rather stay home on Saturday nights binge-watching Seinfield? That’s who I am! TV pride! Human interaction is for suckers! etc etc etc.
Then I had three weeks off work.
Let me tell you something: The amount of television I watched in that time is shocking. SHOCKING.
I didn’t know the human capacity for TV consumption could stretch that far. I didn’t realise that the only thing pulling me away from my TV each day was the fact I needed to come into work so I could make money to pay for the house I watch TV in. When I took work out of the equation, I literally only stopped watching when I was asleep. And even that was against my wishes. I even took a laptop to the toilet and the kitchen so I could keep watching TV when I was away from my TV. It was three weeks of heaven.
But when I winced at the sunlight on my face as I made my way to work on Monday, I realised that maybe I had a problem. So I’ve selflessly devised this list for you so you can spot any problem behaviour in yourself. I’d say if you relate to 6 or more items on the list you probably need to get outside and read a book.
1. You think sleep is for chumps.
Only true champions use the phrase ‘one more episode’ when it’s 3am. Especially if it’s one more episode of a show you’ve seen every episode of already. Twice. You may or may not have managed to get through all seven seasons of The West Wing in two weeks by pushing through your sleep barrier on more than one occasion. And it was the third time you’d watched the show from start to finish.
2. Your moral code says pirating is okay, but spoilers deserve death.
You never forget the trauma that comes with someone telling you about a major TV moment before you’ve actually seen it. You may or may not have cried when you accidently found out King Joffrey had died before you’d watched the episode. You also may have yelled “SPOILER ALERT” at complete strangers when you hear them selfishly having a TV-related conversation in a public place.
3. You can’t get through one conversation without quoting a line from TV.
“That’s what she said.”