Let’s not sugarcoat it, break-ups are monumentally sh*t. And often even sh*ttier when it’s the breakdown of a marriage.
The transition from them being your forever person to becoming an ex can be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to navigate.
Obviously none of us enters a relationship thinking it’ll end in separation, but with one in three marriages ending in divorce, it’s something we need to talk about, even though we often don’t.
Mandy now relishes in her beautiful, blended family; one made of her ex husband, her ex partner, her current husband, and her five children aged between 10 and 23. She knows a thing or two about the messy intricacies unique to divorce.
Over eight weeks, Mandy will be delving deeper into separations, and their impact on our lives.
Whether you’re unsure about the split, have had your heart smashed into smithereens, or you know that breaking up is the right decision, it can still be an incredibly lonely time.
Mandy shares her personal pearls of wisdom along with someone else who knows a thing or two about separation. The Split’s resident therapist Melissa Ferrari has over 20 years’ experience in couples counselling and individual psychotherapy. She shared a few telltale signs a relationship is in trouble.
Of course, no two relationships are the same, but, in her experience, the following signs are a good indicator a couple is heading straight for splitsville.
Incoming: Listen to the first episode of The Split. Post continues.
The aim of the game for all couples is to have a ‘secure functioning relationship’, meaning, rather literally, that you two function as a secure couple.
“Secure functioning couples don’t ever make any threats to the relationship,” says Melissa. “They never say things like ‘I’m leaving, I’m done’, they don’t say things like, ‘I’m not doing this any more’. A good relationship is one that’s safe and secure.”
Talking about your life in singular terms.
Melissa says when she hears people “talking singular about their lives rather than it being a partnership”, it’s a pretty good indication they’re starting to grow apart. Basically, when they’re having a conversation like they’re the only person in that relationship.
This can be observed in behaviour too, Melissa noting, “When a couple aren’t good at engaging with each other or looking at each other in a loving way.”
Not having each other’s back.
“A secure couple have each other’s back. They won’t throw each other under the bus, or make remarks in public that could be embarrassing,” says Melissa. But, as she admits herself, this is sometimes easier said than done.