There are so many “red flags”. Every article, post, comment, Reddit thread is about the “warning signs” you should look out for at the start of a relationship. Does this behaviour mean the person is a cheater? A manipulator? Maybe an undercover psychopath?
What if they’re none of these things?
What if they are a green flag kind of guy?
Here’s how to tell.
A sense of joy.
How much do you laugh? Even if you’re driving into the night, have no idea where you might find food, there’s a long way to the next town, and you’re running low on petrol, can you still laugh?
This might sound idealistic. But having a ‘sense of joy’ is not just related to the good times. Any relationship will bring with it difficult moments, but a feeling of joy runs deeper than this.
“To be joyful is not to always be happy or expansive,” integrative psychiatrist and author Henry Emmons wrote for the Elephant Journal. “Joy comes from accepting that which is most life-giving, with an accompanying sense of gratitude.”
A good laugh. Really key. A relaxed, genuine, spontanous, unguarded laugh. A natural laugh that is the manifestation of joy. – kmkm34534n3j3j on Reddit.
Intellectually interesting.
One of the writers at Mamamia interviewed countless couples in their 70s for her masters in psychology. The number-one thing she took out of this project? The importance of being intellectually compatible.
There are a lot of elements within a relationship that might wane and re-surge throughout the course of life. Sexual attraction, busy schedules, career aspirations. But not the way you connect intellectually. Can you challenge each other? Keep each other interested? Debate, suggest, discuss?
Top Comments
For the compatible intellect/problem solving, I like to think of it as thinking style (ie Gardeners multple intelligences: mathematical, musical, kinesthetic, visual, etc). If you both use the same thinking style it is easier to communicate effectively even when you're in conflict.
I would have to agree, its thinking style not intellectual ability that's important. My husband and I are on very different intellectual levels, but we communicate fantastically because we think in the same way. Being able to calm his anger and sit down and talk things out it one of our relationships' best strengths. No, he doesn't challenge me, but I challenge him. Honestly, I dont want to debate with my husband, I want to relax and enjoy him. I get enough debating from others!