couples

"I confess...I hate my husband."

He doesn’t help with the kids. He is the reason I’m a bad mum. So maybe I should just leave.

I hate my husband.

Oh my God, it feels so good to say that.

I hate my husband.

He is a useless idiot.

We have two children together. A 3-month-old little boy and 2-year-old girl. And they are SO much work. Which is fine. But I am basically a single parent when it comes to looking after them. He absolutely refuses to help. And actually goes out of his way to make caring for them even more stressful.

Like the other day. I have our little boy naked, with poo smeared all over the changing table. With my little girl having a tantrum in the room because at that very moment she is upset that her juice bottle is empty.

So I yell out for help to my husband. Who I know, is sitting on the couch looking at his iPad. I had to call for help several times before he finally appeared. It is a whole 5 metres from the lounge to the baby’s room. I asked him to help our daughter. So he walks out. He doesn’t take the screaming toddler with him. He just walks out and takes 15 minutes pouring her juice. 15 minutes.

Meanwhile I have run out of baby wipes and ask him to bring that over, which takes him another 10 minutes because he had to charge his precious iPad. Seriously.

I know what you are thinking. It is tough at this stage – with two little ones. But our relationship has never been amazing. Even before kids, he was a selfish tool, but I guess I just didn’t notice as much because I didn’t need as much help from him.

But I have to tell him to do everything. I can’t say, take out the bins. I have to say, please can you collect all the rubbish in the house and put it in the bin, and also the cardboard and the dead flowers in the jar (that I bought myself).

He has no ability to think for himself. And he never offers to help me with anything.

When I told my friend, she said to not tell him to do stuff all the time. Let him figure it out for himself. I did that. You know what he did? Nothing.

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We were once at another couples place for lunch. And they have 3 kids. The dad was so good with them. When one fell and hurt themselves, he was the first to jump up and give them a cuddle. I even told my husband how nice that was. Didn't register.

Like I said. Useless.

I find that I don't love him. I don't look at him and think, Lucky to be married to him. No, I think I really drew the short straw.

And worst of all, he is the reason I am a bad mum sometimes. I find myself so stressed out, because he doesn't help, that I lose my temper way too fast with my kids. It's his fault. If he helped, raising our two beautiful children would be so much easier.

I want to leave. But I don't want to leave. I don't want to be a single parent. I have a friend who is a single parent and she has to work so hard and barely gets to see her little ones. I rely on my husband's income. And I don't want to have to work. I want to see my children grow up - especially now, they are so little I couldn't bare to shove them in daycare or at their grandparents while I work a 40 hour week.

And I think it's good for their dad to be in their life. Isn't that what the experts say? But I also read once that having fighting parents is also damaging for kids. And we always fight. Because he never helps.

So now I'm stuck. Do I stay in an unhappy marriage purely for his income (and for the kids to have a dad in their life), and leave when they are older, say in 7 years? Or do I leave now?

What would you do if you were in this situation?

Want more? Try:

I confess – “I love you, but I hate your kids.”

I confess – I hate my son’s name.

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