It was the birth watched around the world.
Simone Thurber bellowing in pain, heaving, gives birth in a stream, completely unaided by doctors or medicine or a modesty sheet.
Fifty two million people have watched that baby being born on YouTube. Fifty two million watched a squishy human suspended momentarily, half in and half out of her body. I was one of them. It was the first birth I have ever witnessed and good heavens, I winced.
I can’t stand the pain of a blackhead extraction, let alone a baby extraction. I have never seen anything quite so… traumatic looking. And right now I need to say to all mums: HOLY. MOLEY. Let me get you a chair. And a cold drink. Because I can understand if you never want to stand up, ever again.
The closest I can come to this was a couple of years ago when I had shoulder surgery. Before I went in, the doctors warned me. The surgeons warned me. The physio's warned me. People who had gone before me warned me with grave faces about the extreme pain of it. I would be in terrible pain, they said. I will want to sell my soul to the devil for relief. I had a pain management plan and was sent away with more drugs than an Amy Winehouse world tour.
Had I stood there and said "Oh it's okay, I'm having a natural shoulder surgery," people would have thought I was cracked. A nut. Had I sat there and said, "I'm actually looking forward to the transformative experience of major procedure and I want it to be a conscious act" I would be carted away to live with Pete Evans and his flouride-denying wife.
So why do we laud women who have a "natural" birth?
We talk about the concept of a natural birth on the latest episode of Mamamia Out Loud. Post continues...
All through my social media feeds, people's birth announcements are sprinkled with "all natural" as if it's not just a muesli bar ad but a crowning achievement. Natural is best, I hear. Natural is everything. It's the nirvana of births. You're a virtuous human person to endure one and you can forever wear it like a badge of moral superiority.